xrelease/docs/legal/ymmv.md

xrelease (pronounced cross-release) helps you setup automated releases for your project for any language

# TERMS, CONDITIONS, AND YOUR MILEAGE (WHICH MAY VARY)

## SECTION 1: DEFINITIONS

1.1 "Just Works™" - A statement of optimistic aspiration, not a legally binding guarantee. May or may not work. Schrödinger's functionality until observed.

1.2 "Your Mileage" - A metaphorical measurement of success, not to be confused with actual distance traveled by your code through the CI pipeline.

1.3 "May Vary" - A legally required admission that software, like life, is unpredictable and full of disappointment.

## SECTION 2: WARRANTY DISCLAIMERS

2.1 THE WORKS™ CLAUSE
By using this software, you acknowledge that "Just Works™" is more of a philosophical stance than a technical specification. Like quantum mechanics, the mere act of observing whether it works may change whether it works.

2.2 TEMPORAL STABILITY CLAUSE
What worked yesterday may not work today. What works today may not work tomorrow. What works tomorrow is purely theoretical and should not be relied upon for mission-critical applications or career-defining demos.

## SECTION 3: ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY

3.1 PERMITTED USES

- Running releases
- Attempting to run releases
- Thinking about running releases
- Procrastinating about running releases
- Writing commit messages that future you won't understand

  3.2 PROHIBITED USES

- Using xrelease to release software that releases software that uses xrelease (infinite recursion prohibited by Geneva Convention)
- Blaming xrelease for merge conflicts you caused three months ago
- Time travel to fix bad releases (currently in private-beta)

## SECTION 4: LIABILITY LIMITATIONS

4.1 THE "IT WORKED ON MY MACHINE" DOCTRINE
The developers hereby disclaim any responsibility for the gap between:

- What works on their machines
- What works on your machine
- What works in production
- What works in your dreams

  4.2 COSMIC RAY INTERFERENCE
  We cannot be held liable for bit flips caused by cosmic rays. Yes, [this is a real thing](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/b4qkkp/til_that_cosmic_rays_can_flip_bits_in_a_computers/). No, we won't explain how we know your bug was caused by this.

## SECTION 5: PERFORMANCE EXPECTATIONS

5.1 SPEED METRICS

- Fast: Sometimes
- Slow: Other times (it's node not scala)
- Actual speed may depend on:
  - Moon phase
  - CPU temperature
  - Whether Mercury is in retrograde
  - Number of Stack Overflow tabs open
  - Quantum entanglement with other release processes
  - Agentic AI Wars

## SECTION 6: SUPPORT TERMS

6.1 DOCUMENTATION ACCURACY
All documentation is guaranteed to be:

- Written in some form of English
- Mostly containing words
- Occasionally helpful
- Present in the space-time continuum

  6.2 SUPPORT CHANNELS
  Support is provided via:

- GitHub issues (response time: yes)
- Stack Overflow (marked as duplicate)
- Telepathy (private-beta)
- Time travel (deprecated)

## SECTION 7: VERSIONING PHILOSOPHY

7.1 SEMANTIC VERSIONING COMPLIANCE
We follow semantic versioning\*

- Except when we don't, which is determined by a d20 roll against your project's Semantic Version saving throw (DC 15). On a critical fail, all your patch versions become major versions, woopsies! On a natural 20, you get to skip the pre-release stage. Advantage granted if you've had cold brew coffee or monstr energy in the last 4 hours.

## SECTION 8: FORCE MAJEURE

8.1 ACTS OF GODS
We are not responsible for failures caused by:

- Traditional acts of God
- Acts of Flying Spaghetti Monster
- Git conflicts
- npm installing node_modules
- Your cat walking across the keyboard
- Mercury being in retrograde
- Cosmic ray bit flips
- Stack Overflow being down
- The heat death of the universe

## SECTION 9: ACCEPTANCE

By actually reading this far, you have already accepted these terms and you get a gold star. Also, you may be eligible for a career in legal document review. Please seek help.

## SECTION 10: CONCLUSION

In conclusion, xrelease will probably work fine. But if it doesn't, you've been properly warned.

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Last updated: When Mercury was last in retrograde
Legal team: Chat GPT, Claude, Grok and a developer curmudgeon