tap-quotes-npm-pkg/array.js

This NPM package delivers random quotes and lyrics from the movie This is Spinal Tap. 570 different strings.

const quotes = [  "No light fantastic ever crosses my mind  That meditation stuff can make you go blind",  "Just crank that music to the point of pain  Why waste good music on a brain?",  "Heavy, duty  Heavy duty rock and roll  Heavy duty  Brings out the duty in my soul",  "I see you dancing there in front of the band  You're playin' the solos with no guitar in your hand",  "I don't pull no punches I wouldn't waste your time  And just cause it pays, that ain't no crime",  "NIGEL: Well, I don’t know, wh-wh-what are the hours?  THE END",  "Heavy, duty  Heavy duty rock and roll  Heavy duty  Brings out the duty in my soul",  "Don't need a woman, I won't take me no wife  I get the rock and roll and that'll be my life",  "No page in history baby - that, I don't need  I just want to make some eardrums bleed",  "When there was darkness and the void was king and ruled the elements  When there was silence and the hush was almost deafening",  "Out of the emptiness  (Salvation) Salvation  Rhythm and light and sound",  "Twas the rock and roll creation  Twas a terrible big bang  Twas the ultimate mutation  Ying was searching for his yang",  "And he looked and he saw that it was good",  "When I'm alone beneath the stars and feeling insignificant  I turn within to see the forces that created me",  "I look to the stars and the answer is clear  I look in the mirror and see what I fear",  "Tis the rock and roll creation  Tis the absolute rebirth  Tis the rolling of the ocean and the rocking of the earth  And I looked and I saw that it was good",  "The elves are dressed in leather  And the angels are in chains  (Christmas with the Devil)",  "The sugar plums are rancid  And the stockings are in flames  (Christmas with the Devil)",  "There's a demon in my belly  And a gremlin in my brain",  "There's someone up the chimney hole  And Satan is his name",  "The rats ate all the presents  And the reindeer ran away  (Christmas with the Devil)",  "There'll be no Father Christmas  'Cause it's Evil's holiday  (Christmas with the Devil)",  "No bells in Hell  No snow below  Silent Night, Violent Night",  "So come, all ye unfaithful  Don't be left out in the cold  You don't need no invitation, no...  Your ticket is your soul",  "You been bad  Don't do what I say  You don't listen  And you never obey",  "Try to teach you  But you just won't be good  You won't behave the way  A big girl should",  "It's time to give the whip a crack  I'm gonna have to send you back to  Bitch School  Bitch School",  "You're a beauty  You're the best of your breed  You're a handful  And I know what you need",  "You need training  Gonna bring you to heel  I'm gonna break you with my will of steel",  "Discipline's my middle name  And no one comes back the same from  Bitch School  Bitch School",  "No more sniffing strangers, or running free at night  You think my bark's bad, honey  Wait till you feel my bite",  "Wait till you feel my bite",  "You got problems  You whine and you beg  When I'm busy  You wanna dance with my leg",  "I'm gonna chain you  Make you sleep out of doors  You're so fetching when you're down on all fours",  "And when you hear your master  You will come a little faster, thanks to  Bitch School",  "There's a pulse in the new-born sun  A beat in the heat of noon",  "There's a song as the day grows long  And a tempo in the tides of the moon",  "It's all around us and it's everywhere  And it's deeper than Royal blue  And it feels so real you can feel the feeling",  "And that's the Majesty of Rock  The fantasy of Roll  The ticking of the clock  The wailing of the soul",  "The prisoner in the dock  The digger in the hole  We're in this together... and ever",  "In the shade of a jungle glade  Or the rush of the crushing street  On the plain, on the foamy main  You can never escape from the beat",  "It's in the mud and it's in your blood  And its conquest is complete  And all that you can do is just surrender",  "To the Majesty of Rock  The Pageantry of Roll",  "The crowing of the cock  The running of the foal",  "The shepherd with his flock  The miner with his coal  We're in this together... and ever",  "When we die, do we haunt the sky?  Do we lurk in the murk of the seas?",  "What then? Are we born again?  Just to sit asking questions like these?",  "I know, for I told me so  And I'm sure each of you quite agrees  The more it stays the same, the less it changes",  "And that's the Majesty of Rock  The Mystery of Roll  The darning of the sock  The scoring of the goal",  "The farmer takes a wife  The barber takes a pole  We're in this together... and ever",  "Can't go back  To London  Can't go back  To Swindon",  "Can't go back  To Waterloo  Can't go back  To Debra",  "Can't go back  To Sheila  Can't go back  To girls like you",  "Here she comes  Lovely  Here she comes  Deadly",  "Here she comes  Big as life  There she goes  Snubs me",  "There she goes  Cuts me  There she goes  Like a knife",  "I got  Diva Fever  It's staying on me  Diva Fever",  "It's preying on me  Diva Fever  She's born to thrill me  Diva Fever  It's gonna kill me",  "And yet I would gladly die screaming, in insufferable  Agony, if it meant I could spend my last few moments  Gazing in her eyes",  "It's too late  Can't go back  She's too great  Can't go back",  "I can't deny  There she goes  Love her  There she goes  Hate her  There she goes  Want to die",  "I got  Diva Fever  They'll never cure me",  "Diva Fever  They won't insure me  Diva Fever  My demon lover  Diva Fever  I shan't recover",  "When the game has just been lost  When the race has all been run",  "When the storm has left your ship well tossed  Ignore the coast",  "Get your stars uncrossed  Back at Square One",  "Just begin again  You can always find a way  Just begin again",  "No matter what they say  Life is just a wheel  If it's even real",  "You can rest another day  Life is just a meal  And you never say when  Just begin again",  "People say enough is enough  An' people say you can't undo what's done",  "People say the road is, just too rough  But what do they know?",  "Life is just a show, go reload your gun  Just begin again",  "Just begin again  Make the bastards eat their words",  "Just begin again  Like bumblebees and hummingbirds  Life is just a dream  An unconscious stream",  "A picture, worth five hundred words  Rise for you are cream  And you can have the strength of ten  Mmm, don't hope to win",  "Losing is no sin  So just dig it in  Just begin again  Begin again  Begin again",  "Well, you got the eyes, you got the lips  With your long blonde hair and your wild young hips  You look like a million, including tips...",  "Well, I'm a busy man, baby, can't you see?  And I got no time for coquettery  But I'm willing and able to pay the fee if it's  Cash on delivery",  "So make it cash on delivery  If you're gonna do business with me (Cash!)  Let's keep it strictly C.O.D. (Cash!)",  "Well I love you, baby, but why take a chance?  I don't want to be a victim of circumstance  So don't be looking for no big advance, it's...  Cash on delivery",  "Now you got the style and you got the look  And you got a big hole in your pocket book  And you gotta buy groceries before you can cook...",  "Cash on delivery  So make it cash on delivery  That's the way it should be",  "Let's make it cash on delivery  If you want to close a deal with me (Cash!)  Let's keep it strictly C.O.D. (Cash!)",  "So if you want a man that's good and true  Who's gonna love you no matter what you do  I'd look somewhere else if I were you...  Cash on delivery",  "But when the deed is done and the lights are low  You can count your gold in the afterglow  Love's like money, gotta spend it slow...  Cash on delivery",  "Make it cash on delivery  I know nothing is free  Just make it cash on delivery",  "If you want to do business with me (Cash!)  Let's keep it strictly C.O.D. (Cash!)  Just make it cash on delivery with me (Cash!)",  "Bolder than the pirates who used to rule the sea  Braver than the natives, who never heard of tea",  "They never knew what hit them, said the Spaniards later on  Empire! It was here and now it's gone",  "Even the biggest elephant never forgets  And the sun never sweats. No, the sun never sweats",  "You were younger than a virgin, and older than the sea  You were angel, you were devil, and I was all of me",  "You knew you met your master, when I made you stay at home  Woman! Whatever made you roam",  "Even the hardest concrete never quite sets  And the sun never sweats. No, the sun never sweats",  "Losing is for losers, and winners play to win  Always love the sinner, you may even like the sin",  "The door that used to open has now closed without a crack  Woman, you're like the Empire, and I still want you back",  "We may be gods or just big marionettes  But the sun never sweats",  "Life is a gamble, and we're all placing our bets  And the sun never sweats. No, the sun never sweats",  "Here she comes, that rainy day sun  Peeking in and out the falling raindrops  Smiling down on everyone",  "In her golden, gossamer gown  And a necklace of the finest rainbows  Drying out this rainy day town",  "Goodbye cloudy skies  Here she comes, here she comes  To cut them down to size  And fly the tears in my eyes",  "Here she comes that rainy day sun  Like a moppet at a birthday party  Rainy day's not spoiling her fun",  "Open up the top of your mind  Catch the water in your magic paint box  Oh, the many colors you find",  "Goodbye, cloudy skies  Here she comes, here she comes  To cut them down to size  And dry the tears in my eyes",  "We are the children who grew too fast  We are the dust of a future past",  "We raise our voices in the night  Crying to heaven  And will our voices be heard",  "Or will they break like the wind?",  "We are the footprints across the sands  We are the thumbs on a stranger's hand",  "We made a promise in the night  Swearing to heaven  Is this a promise we keep  Or one we break like the wind?",  "Hey!",  "We are the guests who have stayed too long  We are the end of the endless song",  "We send our hearts into the night  Soaring to heaven  And will out hearts still beat on  Or will they break like the wind",  "Break like the wind  Break like the wind  Break like the wind  Break, break, break  Break like the wind",  "Late afternoon in the open air  A human sea made out of mud and hair",  "Ain't nothing like a festival crowd  There's too many people so we play too loud",  "Touch down, plane's on the ground  Look for the drummer, he's nowhere around",  "Running late, at least an hour  No time to rest, no time to shower now we're  Stinkin' up the great outdoors",  "Stinkin' up the great outdoors  Stinkin' up the great outdoors  But the kids don't mind",  "We had a drink going up in the plane  We had another coming down again  We had another in the airport bar  And then some home-brewed stuff in the promoter's car",  "Here we go, on with the show  We're bubblin' under and we're ready to flow",  "Wound up! Turned loose  Ain't got the power but we sure got the juice and now we're  Stinkin' up the great outdoors",  "Stinkin' up the great outdoors  Stinkin' up the great outdoors  But the kids don't mind...",  "We hit the stage, with rock and rage  And do our best to earn the maximum wage",  "The lights are bullshit, the sound's for the birds  Don't know the music and we don't know the words but still we're  Stinkin' up the great outdoors",  "Springtime is on my mind  Flower bloomin', all the time",  "Smell the roses, smell the grass  Old man winter can kiss my ass",  "Don't you think that it's a pity?  Don't you think that it's a shame?  Don't you wish that  Every season was the same?",  "Time for lovin' in the park  Wear a jumper when it gets dark",  "Mind the prickles, mind the dew  Wash your willy when you're through",  "Springtime, enough's enough  Tired of flowers and all that stuff  Want some drizzle, want some sleet  Want some wellies on my feet",  "I ride cross the desert on my camel  Over hills of sand  What's that, I see in the distance?  Only hills of sand",  "There is no oasis in sight  I'll have to ride through the night  If I'm to make Baghdad by light of dawn",  "The sun's not your friend in the desert  Like he is at home",  "The wind has a name in the desert, sirocco  But it's barely known",  "It's only the hardiest bloom  That can blossom in darkest Khartoum  So I will just stay in my room,",  "tonight the desert isn't free with her secrets  She's a silent bird, quiet bird  I asked the Sphinx for the answer  It said, 'Mums the word'",  "So I'll catch the Zanzibar train  And sleep till I'm wakened by rain  And I'm back in old England again once more",  "In a hospital bed on the outskirts of town  Lay an old gray man in a soiled white gown",  "His hair was all wispy, his eyes were a blank  His breath came in spurts from an oxygen tank",  "The nurse hovered near, and so did the Reaper  But which had the number to his private beeper?",  "Shall he lie there forever with a tube up his nose  And his pee-pee and poo-poo slipping out through a hose?",  "Or shall he be released to float towards the light?  Like a wee, baby doveling or a really good kite",  "Let him go! Let him go  It's too late for healing  Put an end to the pain  That we know he is feeling",  "His life is his burden  His death is his right  Let's send him off gently  Into that good night  Goodnight",  "Well, I'm sittin' here beside the railroad track  And I'm waitin' for that train to bring her back",  "If she's not on the five-nineteen  Then I'm gonna know what sorrow means",  "And I'm gonna cry, cry, cry  All the way home  All the way home  All the way home",  "Yes, I'm gonna cry, cry, cry  All the way home",  "Well, her daddy never liked me, this he said  And he could never get it through his old gray head",  "That I loved his daughter so  I did not mean to see her go",  "You're a naughty one Saucy Jack",  "When the streetlamp gaslight flickers and fails  Then you see the last light glinting off the entrails",  "Oh naughty naughty naughty  You're a sneaky one Saucy Jack",  "You're a cheeky one Saucy Jack  First the whore says 'Guv'nor fancy a squeeze?'  Next you will be shov'in her down the hole to Hades",  "The scourge of London Town  (The scourge of London Town)  There'll be no rest 'til  You are a guest of The Crown",  "You're a ghoulish one Saucy Jack  Not a foolish one Saucy Jack",  "Though the peelers track you early and late  Slipping out the back you counter with a checkmate",  "Oh naughty naughty naughty  Naughty naughty naughty",  "Little girl, it's a great big worldBut there's only one of meYou can't touch 'cause I cost too much",  "But tonight I'm gonna rock you (tonight I'm gonna rock you)Yeah, tonight I'm gonna rock you (tonight I'm gonna rock you)Tonight!",  "You're sweet but you're just four feetAnd you still got your baby teethYou're too young and I'm too well hung",  "But tonight I'm gonna rock you (tonight I'm gonna rock you)Yeah, tonight I'm gonna rock you (tonight I'm gonna rock you)Tonight, whoa yeah!",  "You're hot, you take all we gotNot a dry seat in the houseNext day, we'll be on our wayBut tonight I'm gonna rock you (tonight I'm gonna rock you)",  "Yeah, tonight I'm gonna rock you (tonight I'm gonna rock you)Tonight!",  "Little girl, it's a great big worldBut there's only one of... me!",  "Listen to what the flower people sayListen! It's getting louder every dayListen! It's like a bolt out of the blueListen! It could be calling out for you",  "Flower people, walk on byFlower people, don't you cryIt's not too late, noIt's not too late...",  "Listen! It's like a Mozart symphonyListen! It's something just for you and me",  "Listen to what the flower people sayListen! It's getting truer every dayAh...",  "We came like babiesFrom our home across the sea to see AmericaAnd the people opened up their armsTo welcome us... to America",  "We came like childrenFrom a far and distant land to see AmericaAnd the golden sun of freedomFiltered down to us, in America",  "And the people stood and staredLoved us more than we had dared to, in America",  "Super highways here and therePretty womens everywhereBrady Bunch and Smokey Bear",  "Buildings reaching to the skyAfro-sheen and apple piePTA and FBI",  "Jumbo jet begins to riseA joyful nation waves its bye-byes",  "Each religion, race, and creedGets exactly what they needGod bless Johnny Appleseed",  "Cups and cakesCups and cakesOh, what good things mother makes",  "You've got to take tea won't you take it with meWhat a gay time it will be",  "Cups and cakesCups and cakesPlease make sure that nothing breaks",  "The china's so dear and the treacle so clearAnd I'm glad that you are here",  "Milk and sugarBread and JamYes please, sir, and thank you ma'mHere I am",  "Cups and cakesCups and cakesI'm so full my tummy aches",  "How sad it must endBut I'm glad I've a friendSharing cups and cakes with meAnd cakes with me...",  "Stop wasting my time  You know what I want  You know what I need  Or maybe you don't",  "Do I have to come right flat out and tell you everything?  Gimme some money, gimme some money",  "I'm nobody's fool  I'm nobody's clown  I'm treating you cool  I'm putting you down",  "But baby I don't intend to leave empty handed  Gimme some money, gimme some money  Oh yeah! Go Nigel, go!",  "Gimme some money, gimme some money  Gimme some money, gimme some money",  "Don't get me wrong (gimme some money, gimme some money)  Try getting me right (gimme some money, gimme some money)",  "Your face is okay But your purse is too tight (gimme some money, gimme some money)  I'm looking for pound notes, loose change, bad checks, anything  Gimme some money, gimme some money",  "Gimme some money, gimme some money  Gimme some money, gimme some money  Gimme some money, gimme some money  Gimme some money, gimme some money  Gimme some money, gimme some money  ",  "The window's dirty, the mattress stinks This ain't no place to be a man I ain't got no future, I ain't got no past And I don't think I ever can",  "The floor is filthy, the walls are thin, The wind is howling in my face, The rats are peeling, I'm losing ground. Can't seem to join the human race",  "Yeah, I'm living in a hell hole Don't want to stay in this hell hole  Don't want to die in this hell hole  Girl, get me out of this hell hole",  "I rode a jet stream, I hit the top, I'm eating steak and lobster tails, The sauna's drafty, the pools too hot, The kitchen stinks of boiling snails",  "The taxman's coming, the butler quit, This ain't a way to be a man, I'm going back to where I started, I'm flashing back into my pan",  "It's better in a hell hole, You know where you stand in a hell hole, Folks lend a hand in a hell hole, Girl get me back to my hell hole",  "Working on a sex farm, Trying to raise some hard love, Getting out my pitch fork, Poking your hay",  "Scratching in your henhouse, Sniffing at your feedbag, Slipping out your back door, Leaving my spray",  "Sex farm woman, I'm gonna mow you down, Sex farm woman, I'll rake and hoe you down, Sex farm woman, don't you see my silo rising high?",  "Working on a sex farm, Hosing down your barn door, Bothering your livestock, They know what I need",  "Working up a hot sweat  Crouching in your pea patch  Plowing through your beanfield  Planting my seed",  "Sex farm woman, I'll be your hired hand  Sex farm woman, I'll let my offer stand  Sex farm woman, don't you hear my tractor rumbling by?",  "Working on a sex farm  Trying to raise some hard love  Getting out my pitch fork  Poking your hay",  "The bigger the cushionThe sweeter the pushin'That's what I said",  "The looser the waistbandThe deeper the quicksandOr, so I have read",  "My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedoI'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo",  "Big bottom, big bottomTalk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'emBig bottom, drive me out of my mindHow could I leave this behind?",  "I met her on Monday'Twas my lucky bun dayYou know what I mean",  "I love her each weekdayEach velvety cheek dayYou know what I mean",  "My love gun's loaded and she's in my sightsBig game is waiting there inside her tights, yeah",  "Big bottom, big bottomTalk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'emBig bottom, drive me out of my mindHow could I leave this behind?",  "My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedoI'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo",  "Big bottom, big bottomTalk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'emBig bottom, drive me out of my mindHow could I leave this behind?",  "In ancient timesHundreds of yearsBefore the dawn of historyThere lived a strange race of people - the druids",  "No one knows who they wereOr what they were doingBut their legacy remainsHewn into the living rock of Stonehenge",  "Stonehenge - where the demons dwellWhere the banshees liveAnd they do live wellStonehenge - where a man is a manAnd the children danceTo the pipes of pan",  "Stonehenge - 'tis a magic placeWhere the moon doth riseWith a dragon's faceStonehenge - where the virgins lieAnd the prayer of devilsFills the midnight sky",  "And you my loveWon't you take my handWe'll go back in timeTo that mystic land",  "Where the dew drops cryAnd the cats meowI will take you thereI will show you how",  "And oh, how they dancedThe little children of StonehengeBeneath the haunted moonFor fear that daybreak might come too soon",  "And where are they now, the little people of Stonehenge?And what would they say to us if they were here tonight?",  "MARTY: Hello. My name is Marty DiBergi. I’m a film maker. I make a lot of commercials. That little dog that chasesthe covered wagon underneath the sink? That was mine.",  "In 1966, I went down to Greenwich Village, NewYork City to a rock club called the Electric Banana. Don’t look for it, it’s not there anymore. But that night Iheard a band that for me redefined the word “rock and roll”.",  "I remember being knocked out by their, theirexuberance…their raw power — and their punctuality. That band was Britain’s now-legendary Spinal Tap.",  "Seventeen years and fifteen albums later, Spinal Tap is still going strong, and they’ve earned a distinguishedplace in rock history as one of England’s loudest bands.",  "So in the late fall of 1982 when I heard that Tap wasreleasing a new album called ‘Smell the Glove,’",  "and was planning their first tour of the United States inalmost 6 years to promote that album, well, needless to say I jumped at the chance to make the documentary,the, if you will, rockumentary that you’re about to see.",  "I wanted to capture the, the sights, the sounds, thesmells, of a hard-working rock band on the road. And I got that. But I got more, a lot more.",  "But hey —enough of my yakkin’. Whaddaya say? Let’s boogie!",  "<Outside the venue>FAN 1: Gives me a lot of energy, makes me happy.FAN 2: Heavy metal’s deep, you can get stuff out of it.FAN 3: The way they dress, the leather.",  "<JFK Airport, New York>DAVID: Which one is this? Is this LaGuardia or is this— ?IAN: No, this is JFK.DAVID: Oh yes.IAN: New York, New York.",  "<Back outside the venue>ROADIE: Watch it now, watch it now.ETHEREAL FAN: It’s like you become one with the guys in the band. I mean there’s...there’s no division, you just...the musicjust unites people...with the players.",  "<Onstage>NEW YORK MC: You want it right? Direct from hell: Spinal Tap!—- Spinal Tap performs Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight —DAVID: We are Spinal Tap from the UK you must be the USA!",  "MARTY: Let’s...uh talk a little bit about the history of the group. I understand, Nigel, you and David originally startedthe band wuh...back in...when was it... 1964?",  "DAVID: Well before that we were in different groups. I was in a group called The Creatures and w-which was a sk",  "DAVID: So we became The Originals.NIGEL: Right.DAVID: And we had to change our name actually....",  "NIGEL: Well there was, there was another group in the East End called The Originals and we had to renameourselves.DAVID: The New Originals.",  "NIGEL: The New Originals and then, uh, they became....DAVID: The Regulars, they changed their name back to The Regulars and we thought well, we could go back to TheOriginals but what’s the point?NIGEL: We became The Thamesmen at that point.",  "DAVID: Joe stumpy Pepys...great great...uh...tall blond geek...with glasses uh...NIGEL: Uh.. good drummer.",  "DAVID: Great look, good drummer.NIGEL: Good, good drummer...DAVID: Fine drummer...MARTY: What happened to him?DAVID: He died.",  "DAVID: He died. He, he died in a bizarre gardening accident some years back.NIGEL: It was really one of those things...it was...you know...the authorities said...you know...well best leave itunsolved, really...you know.",  "MARTY: And he was replaced by...uh....DAVID: Stumpy Joe - Eric Stumpy Joe Childs.",  "MARTY: What happened to Stumpy Joe?DEREK: Well, uh, it’s not a very pleasant story..but, uh,DAVID: He’s passed on.",  "DEREK: he died. uh...he choked on..the ac- the official explanation was he choked on vomit.NIGEL: It was actually, was actually someone else’s vomit.",  "DAVID: It’s ugly.NIGEL: You know. There’s no real....DEREK: You know they can’t prove whose vomit it was...they don’t have the facilities at Scotland Yard....",  "DAVID: You can’t print…there’s no way to print a spectra-photograph.NIGEL: You can’t really dust for vomit.",  "<Reception, New York>IAN: Here we go...Soho they call this place....BOBBI: Oh, it’s the band!DAVID: ‘So’ what?IAN: Soho.",  "BOBBI: How are you? Ian! Hi fellas, how you doing... Come over here. I want you to meet everybody.DEREK: Who is that?",  "BOBBI: Viv, come over here...everybody.IAN: Bobbi Flekman.DEREK: Who is it ...with the record company?BOBBI: Yes, Bobbi Flekman - the hostess with the mostest",  "You know, you know. Hi, handsome. How you doing?Alright, listen I want you all to meet Sir Denis Eton-Hogg, now he’s the head of Polymer.BAND: We know, we know.",  "BOBBI: (To Nigel) You don’t talk so much - just smile and look smart.DAVID: Oh, she knows...",  "BOBBI: Denis, come here...I want you to meet Spinal Tap, our guests of honor.SIR DENIS: How very nice to meet you!",  "BOBBI: Kids; this is Sir Denis Eton-Hogg...this is Nigel.DAVID: Hello, David St...SIR DENIS: Oh, so this is Nigel!NIGEL: Thanks a lot for letting us uh...",  "BOBBI: Let’s go over here and we’ll all take a picture together. Where’s Christine? Where’s my photographer? Comeover here honey. What’s your name? Christine? Ok, right over here... good, good!",  "REPORTER: You guys look great. I mean you look fantastic. You would never know that you are almost 40. I mean if Ilooked this good and from the stage too it’s amazing you know....",  "MORTY THE MIME: I did the bird, do the dead bird...change this, get the dwarf canoles the little ones....  Mime: I did the bird....",  "  MORTY THE MIME: C’mon, don’t talk back huh...mime is money, let’s go! Come on; move it!",  "SIR DENIS: Now, we here at Polymer we’re all looking forward to a long and...and...and fruitful relationship with SpinalTap. We wish them great success on their North American tour and so say all of us: Tap into America!BOBBI: Yeah!",  "Cause Frank callsthe shots for all of those guys.",  "Did you get to the part yet where uh..Sammy is coming out of the Copa..it’sabout 3 o’clock in the morning and uh...he sees Frank? Frank’s walking down Broadway by himself....(Limo window raised by Nigel)DRIVER: Fuckin’ limeys.",  "MARTY: Well you know, ah...they’re not uh,...used to that world.DRIVER: Yeah yeah.MARTY: You know Frank Sinatra it’s a different world that they’re in.",  "DRIVER: You know, it’s just that people like this...you know... they get all they want so they don’t really understand,you know...about a life like Frank’s.",  "I mean, you know when you’ve loved and lost the way Frank has, thenyou uh ...you know what life’s about.",  "IAN: As I explained last night, you know, we’re not gonna saturate the New York market....now Philly now that’s areal rock androll town.",  "DAVID: Oh, Philly’s a great town.IAN: Be assured that the album will be available all throughout the Philadelphia metropolitan area.",  "DRIVER: But it’s...it’s a passing thing...it’s uh.... I mean I would never tell them this but this is uh...this is a fad.—- Spinal Tap plays Big Bottom at Fidelity Hall, Philadelphia —-<Garden Interview II>",  "Intravenus de Milo: “This tasteless cover is a goodindication of the lack of musical invention within. The musical growth rate of this band cannot even becharted. They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry.NIGEL: That’s, that’s nit-picking, isn’t it?",  "MARTY: ‘The Gospel According to Spinal Tap’: “This pretentious ponderous collection of religious rock psalms isenough to prompt the question: “What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap and couldn’t he have rested on thatday too?”DAVID: Never heard that one!",  "MARTY: The review you had on ‘Shark Sandwich’...which was merely a two word review - just said “shit sandwich.”Umm....DEREK: Where’d they print that, where’d they print that?DAVID: Where did that appear?NIGEL: That’s not real, is it?DEREK: You can’t print that!",  "<Recording Industry Convention, Atlanta, Georgia >DEREK: All those arguments about touring or not touring and all that…it’s obvious we belong on tour, you know....IAN: I couldn’t agree more. All that stuff about you being too old and you being too white but...",  "IAN: It’s a very unimportant reason, it’s just that they’re experimenting with, with some new uh...packagingmaterials. Let me get the door.DEREK: What kind of experimenting? What they got monkeys opening it or what?",  "IAN: Oh there’s uhh...the other thing is that the uh...the Boston gig has been cancelled.NIGEL: What?IAN: Yeah. I wouldn’t worry about it though. It’s not a big college town.",  "PROMOTER: I heard you boys got an album coming out.DAVID: Yeah, it’s called ‘Smell the Glove’ it should be out now, yeah...yeah...PROMOTER: Smell the Glove?EXTRA: It’s a provocative title.DAVID: Wait till you see the cover, wait till you see the cover, very provcative indeed.",  "IAN: Well what exactly...do you find offensive? I mean, what’s offensive?BOBBI: Ian, you put a greased naked woman...IAN: Yes...BOBBI: ...on all fours...IAN: Yes.BOBBI: ...with a dog collar around her neck...IAN: ...with a dog collar...BOBBI: ...and a leash...IAN: ...and a leash...",  "BOBBI: ...with a dog collar around her neck...",  "BOBBI: ...on all fours...",  "PROMOTER: Smell the Glove?",  "IAN: Sex-ist.",  "BOBBI: ...and a man’s arm extended out up to here holding onto the leash and pushing a black glove in her face tosniffit. You don’t find that offensive? You don’t find that sexist?IAN: No I don’t, this is 1982, Bobbi, come on.BOBBI: That’s right it’s 1982! Get out of the 60’s",  "IAN: Well you should have seen the cover they wanted to do. It wasn’t a glove believe me.",  "BOBBI: And I don’t think that a sexy cover is the answer for why an album sells or doesn’t sell because you tellme...the “White Album”, what was that? There was nothing on that goddamn cover. Excuse me, the phone’sringing. Ian we’ll talk about this after.",  "IAN: Okay. Thank you darling.BOBBI: You’re welcome.....yeah.IAN: Hello Sir Denis. Hi, how are you? (off phone) Oh, fucking old p******! (in phone) But it’s really not thatoffensive Sir Denis come on. Okay. I’ll call you absolutely first thing in the morning.",  "(slam phone) Ah, shit.They are not gonna release the album...because they have decided that the cover is sexist.NIGEL: Well so what? What’s wrong with being sexy? I mean there’s no....IAN: Sex-ist.DAVID: -ist. More than sexy.",  "NIGEL: It is and it isn’t, she should be made to smell it, but...",  "DAVID: Well it’s a sexual thing, really isn’t it?",  "We’ve got, you know,armadillos in our trousers.",  "BOBBI: Okay, listen I wanted to tell you this and…and…I was holding back because I didn’t know what Denis’decision was going to be…but at this point both Sears and K-Mart stores have refused to handle the album.IAN: That old one, huh?",  "BOBBI: They’re boycotting the album only because of the cover. If the first album had been a hit....IAN: If the company is behind the album it can shove it right down their throats.",  "BOBBI: Money talks and bullshit walks and if the first album was a hit then we could have pressed on them then wecould have told them yes...IAN: The music....every cut on this album is a hit.",  "NIGEL: It is and it isn’t, she should be made to smell it, but...DAVID: But not, you know, over and over again.",  "NIGEL: Cry, cry, cry all the way home...DAVID: ...fairly simple..... there’s about six words in the whole song, you know.MARTY: Sounds like a big hit.DAVID: Just repeat them over and over again.",  "MARTY: Let’s talk about your music today...uh...one thing that puzzles me ...um...is the make up of your audienceseems to be ...uh... predominately young boys.DAVID: Well it’s a sexual thing, really isn’t it?",  "NIGEL: Really they’re quite fearful—that’s my theory. They see us on stage with tight trousers. We’ve got, you know,armadillos in our trousers. I mean it’s really quite frightening...DAVID: Yeah.NIGEL: ...the size...and and they, they run screaming.",  "<Vandermint Auditorium>NIGEL: Ian, can I have a word with you for a minute?IAN: Yes, of course.NIGEL: ...uh, a couple of problems with the...IAN: What?NIGEL: ...arrangments backstage...IAN: What exactly?NIGEL: Well, uh..IAN: What, I mean...",  "NIGEL: Well, no, there’s some problems here, I don’t even know where to start, alright? This, uh..IAN: Soundcheck? What’s, what’s, what’s wrong?NIGEL: No, no, no, no this....look, look, look, there’s a little problem with the... look this, this miniature bread.",  "like... I’ve been working with this now for about half an hour. I can’t figure out... let’s say I want a bite, right,you’ve got this...IAN: You’d like bigger bread?NIGEL: Exactly! I don’t understand how...",  "IAN: You could fold this though.NIGEL: Well, no then it’s half the size.IAN: Not the bread, you could fold the meat.NIGEL: Yeah, but then it, then it breaks up, breaks apart like this.",  "IAN: Not the bread, you could fold the meat.",  "IAN: You could fold this though.",  "NIGEL: Would you... be holding this?",  "NIGEL: No, alright ‘A’, exhibit ‘A’.",  "IAN: No, no, no, you put it on the bread like this, you seeNIGEL: But then, if you keep folding it, it keeps breaking...IAN: Why do you keep folding it?NIGEL: And then you...everything has to be folded, and then it’s this, and I don’t want this. I want large bread so thatI can put this...IAN: Right",  "NIGEL: ...so then it’s like this, this doesn’t work because then ...it’s all....IAN: ‘cause it hangs out like that?NIGEL: Look...IAN: Yeah.NIGEL: Would you... be holding this?IAN: No, I don’t want to eat... I wouldn’t want to put that in my mouth, no you’re right, Nigel, you’re right...",  "NIGEL: No, alright ‘A’, exhibit ‘A’. Now we move on to this, look, look who’s in here? No one! And then in here there’sa little guy, look! So it’s, it’s a complete catastrophe!IAN: You’re right, Nigel, Nigel calm down, calm down.",  "NIGEL: It’s not gonna affect my performance, don’t worry about it, alright, just hate it, it’s really...IAN: It won’t happen again.NIGEL: It does disturb me.IAN: It’s disgusting.NIGEL: But I’ll rise above it. I’m a professional, right?IAN: Alright.",  "<Amid Nigel’s Guitar Collection>MARTY: Do you play all...I mean do you actually play all these or...?NIGEL: Well, I play them and I cherish them.MARTY: Mmm-hmm....NIGEL: This is the top of the heap right here. There’s no question about it. Look at the, look at the flame on thatone....",  "MARTY: How much does this...NIGEL: Just listen for a minute...MARTY: I’m not...NIGEL: The sustain..listen to it...MARTY: I’m not hearing anything.NIGEL: You would, though, if it were playing, because it really ... it’s famous for its sustain...I mean, you could, justhold",  "NIGEL: So I strap this...this piece on, you know, right down in here when I’m on stage and....MARTY: It’s a wireless.NIGEL: Wireless, exactly. And...uh I can play without all the mucky-muck.",  "NIGEL: Exactly. Now this is special, too, it’s a...look...see ...still got the uh...the ol’ tagger on it...see...never evenplayed it ...see...MARTY: You just bought it and....NIGEL: Don’t touch it! Don’t touch it! No one...no one...no! Don’t touch it.",  "MARTY: Well uh I wasn’t...uh I wasn’t gonna touch it...I was just pointing at it...I....NIGEL: Well don’t point, even.MARTY: Don’t even point?NIGEL: No. It can’t be played...never...I mean I....MARTY: Can I look at it?NIGEL: No.MARTY: Don’t look at it.",  "MARTY: Don’t even point?",  "NIGEL: No.",  "MARTY: Can I look at it?",  "NIGEL: Eleven...eleven...eleven....",  "MARTY: Does that mean it’s..louder? Is it any louder?",  "This is a top to a, you know, what we use on stage, but it’s very...veryspecial because if you can see...MARTY: Yeah...NIGEL: ...the numbers all go to eleven. Look...right across the board.MARTY: Ahh...oh, I see....NIGEL: Eleven...eleven...eleven....",  "and most of these amps go up to ten...NIGEL: Exactly.MARTY: Does that mean it’s..louder? Is it any louder?NIGEL: Well, it’s one louder, isn’t it? It’s not ten. You see, most...most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You’reon ten here..all the way up...all the way up..",  "all the way up. You’re on ten on your guitar...where can you go from there? Where?MARTY: I don’t know...NIGEL: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is if we need that extra.. push over the cliff...you know what we do?MARTY: Put it up to eleven.NIGEL: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.",  "MARTY: Why don’t you just make ten louder and make ten be the top... number... and make that a little louder?(pause)NIGEL: These go to eleven.",  "Nothing serious, I’m afraid.IAN: How slight?SMITTY: You wanted seven, uh, suites.IAN: Seven. Seven suites.SMITTY: Yes w-we-he mistakenly put you on the seventh floor with one suite.IAN: That’s considerably more than minor.SMITTY: Well, it’s a good-sized room, sir.",  "IAN: How slight?",  "IAN: Seven. Seven suites.",  "SMITTY: Well, it’s a good-sized room, sir.",  "SMITTY: Well, it’s a good-sized room, sir. It’s a, it’s a ‘King Leisure’. We can get you a—something.IAN: How are we going to get fourteen people in a ‘King Leisure’ bed, Tucker?SMITTY: Oh-ho-ho don’t - don’t tempt me, sir.",  "REBA: What’s the problem, sir?SMITTY: Can you give me a hand, please?IAN: Yes. I’ll tell you what you can do. OK? This…twisted old fruit here…tells me that you have fucked up myreservations.SMITTY: I’m just as God made me, sir.",  "SMITTY: I’m just as God made me, sir.",  "DAVID: What’s the difference between golf and miniature golf?",  "DAVID: What’s the difference between golf and miniature golf?DEREK: I think it’s-uh...MICK: The balls.DEREK: The holes are smaller",  "IAN: Good heavens. How are you, laddy?! Great to see you, Ter! Terrific to see you.TERRY: Uhhhhm...Liam!IAN: Ian. Ian.TERRY: Ian. Yeah, listen, we’d love to stand around and chat, but we’ve gotta...sit down in the lobby and wait for thelimo.",  "NIGEL: He’s got this much talent — this much if he’s lucky.DAVID: We carried him. We had to apologize for him with our set.DEREK: That’s right.MICK: That’s right, yeah.DAVID: People were still booin’ ‘im when we were on. It’s all hype. It’s all hype. It’s all bought.",  "DAVID: People were still booin’ ‘im when we were on. It’s all hype. It’s all hype. It’s all bought.",  "IAN: Because he’s the victim. Their objections were that she was the victim. You see?",  "IAN: That’s alright, if the singer’s the victim, it’s different. It’s not sexist.",  "IAN: Because he’s the victim. Their objections were that she was the victim. You see?DEREK: I see....NIGEL: Oh...DAVID: Ah....IAN: That’s alright, if the singer’s the victim, it’s different. It’s not sexist.NIGEL: He did a twist on it. A twist and it’s..",  "IAN: We shoulda thought of that....DAVID: We were so close....IAN: I mean if we had all you guys tied up, that probably woulda been fine.ALL: Ah....IAN: But it’s...it’s still a stupid cover.DAVID: It’s such a fine line between stupid an’...DEREK: ...and clever.",  "IAN: We’re-uh. We’re cancelled here.DEREK: At the hotel?IAN: No, we’re cancelled - the gig is cancelled....DEREK: Fuck!IAN: Uh...it says “Memphis show cancelled due to lack of advertising funds”...",  "IAN: We’re-uh. We’re cancelled here.",  "you’ve got this cricket bat here...IAN: Yes.",  "you’ve got this cricket bat here...IAN: Yes.MARTY: Do you play?IAN: No, I carry this partly out of, uh, I don’t know some sort of, uh, I suppose what’s the word...uh....MARTY: Affectation?IAN: Yes, I mean it’s, it’s, a it’s a kind of totemestic thing you know,",  "but to be quite frank with you, it’s come inuseful in a couple of situations. Certainly in the topsy, turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece ofwood in your hand is quite often...useful.MARTY: Mhmh.",  "well, we’ve got some cancellations,that’s all, we got to Memphis, and there is no gig in Memphis and we find out that this, this promoter in theMid-West uhh has pulled out St. Louis, and Kansas City, and uh...oh Des Moines... I don’t know, it’s in Indianaor something... ",  "well, we’ve got some cancellations,",  "Milwaukee...Milwaukee, Wisconsin...I’ve no idea, you might have to take the plane to New York, andthen get, and then go to, uh, to Milwaukee from there...",  "DAVID: Jeanine. She’s going to come meet us. She was supposed to do this uh window layout for Neil Kite’s Boutique,  but it’s not until April.  NIGEL: Is she coming to drop some stuff off, you know, and then..  DAVID: No.  NIGEL: ...and then go back?  DAVID: No, she’s coming",  "DEREK: You’re an oldie...you’re an oldie!DJ: The Thamesmen later changed their names to Spinal Tap they had a couple of B-side hits they are currentlyresiding in the “where are they now” file. Johnny Q with you on Golden 106 and right after we...DEREK: Fuck you!",  "DEREK: Fuck you!",  "DEREK: Not really, not really...voice down...DAVID: Well it sounds raga, don’t want to go raga on this stuff.NIGEL: No, not with this you don’t, Well since my baby left me,DAVID: It sounds...fuckin barbershop...",  "DAVID: It sounds...fuckin barbershop...",  "DEREK: Hey, watch the, watch the language, you’re paying homage to the King!DAVID: Oh sorry...well this is thoroughly depressing.NIGEL: It really puts perspective on things, though, doesn’t it?DAVID: Too much. There’s too much fucking perspective now.",  "DAVID: Too much. There’s too much fucking perspective now.",  "<garden interview III>MARTY: In 1967, uh, you... that was the first time Spinal Tap came into existence?DEREK: Well, the whole world was changing in those days.DAVID: And, and we also has the world’s ear.DEREK: We were changing the world.",  "NIGEL: Flower People!DAVID: We toured the world, we toured the States...DEREK: We toured the world and elsewhere.DAVID: It was, it was a dream come true.",  "MARTY: Now, during the Flower People period, who was your drummer?DAVID: Stumpy’s replacement, Peter James Bond, he also died in mysterious circumstances...we were playing a...NIGEL: Festival...DAVID: Jazz-blues festival, where was that?NIGEL: Blues-jazz really.",  "DAVID: Stumpy’s replacement, Peter James Bond, he also died in mysterious circumstances...we were playing a...",  "NIGEL: And....it was tragic really...he exploded on stage.DEREK: Just like that...DAVID: He just went up...NIGEL: He just was like a flash of green light...and that was it, nothing was left...",  "NIGEL: He just was like a flash of green light...and that was it, nothing was left...",  "DAVID: You know several...you know dozens of people spontaneously combust each year, it’s just not really widelyreported.NIGEL: Right.",  "IAN: Consider...consider it done.",  "—- Spinal Tap performs Stonehenge —-",  "DEREK: Maybe we just fix the choreography. Keep the dwarf clear.DAVID: What do you mean?DEREK: So he won’t trod upon it.",  "DEREK: So he won’t trod upon it.",  "IAN: David, whenever a single bump or a ruffle comes into this little fantasy, adolescent fantasy world that youguys, you guys have built around yourselves...DAVID: Hey don’t knock it mate. Don’t knock it mate.",  "JEANINE: The audience were laughing.IAN: So it became a comedy number.",  "DAVID: It’s all this free time. It’s suddenly time is so elastic..",  "DEREK: I mean people...people should be envying us. You know.DAVID: I envy us.",  "(Enter Nigel)",  "DAVID: I’m in, I’m in tune...the last tuning",  "DAVID: Oh, we’ve got a bigger dressing room than the puppets? Oh, that’s refreshing..",  "<Themeland Amusement Park, Stockton, California>JEANINE: Oh, no! If I told them once, I told them a hundred times: put “Spinal Tap” first and “Puppet show” last.",  "DAVID: Ahhhhhhh...",  "HOOKSTRATTEN: Ahh...Hookstratten..and you are Spinal Tarp?",  "—- Spinal Tap performs Sex Farm —-",  "DEREK: Fuck!",  "DEREK: We’re very lucky in the sense that we’ve got two visionaries in the band.MARTY: Right.",  "DEREK: Jesus Christ, this is fucking all we need!",  "NIGEL: You like this?MARTY: It’s very nice ...it looks like Halloween...",  "MARTY: You play to predominantly, uh predominantly a white audience, you feel your music is racist in any way?DAVID: No!NIGEL: No, no, of course not....",  "DEREK: ...you know. Now, I mean a song like “Sex Farm”, we’re taking a sophisticated view of the idea of sex, youknow, and music...MARTY: ...and put it on a farm?",  "MARTY: David St. Hubbins...I ne..I must admit I’ve never heard anybody with that name...",  "JEANINE: Fuck you too!!!IAN: And fuck all of you...because I quit! Alright? That’s it! Good night!!!",  "JEANINE: Fuck you too!!!",  "DAVID: Don’t call her my girlfriend!",  "DAVID: Don’t call her my girlfriend!IAN: Alright, she’s not your girlfriend. I don’t know...",  "<Sound check, Shank Hall, Milwuakee, Wisconsin>NIGEL: Hello, hello, hello, helloDAVID: Testin’, test, test, test, test “This is mike number one, this is mike number one, isn’t this a lot of fun?”NIGEL: Two, two.",  "NIGEL: I think he’s right, there is something about this, that’s that’s so black, it’s like; “How much more black couldthis be?” and the answer is: “None, none... more black.”",  "and the answer is: “None, none... more black.”",  "<Mick Shrimpton in bathtub>MARTY: Given the history of Spinal Tap drummers, uh, in the past, do you have any fears, uh, for your life?",  "they did tell me, they kind of took me aside and said “Well, Mick, ah, you knowit’s like this” and it did kind of freak me out a bit, but it can’t always happen to every.... can it?MARTY: Right...right, the law of averages says...MICK: The law of averages...",  "MICK: The law of averages...",  "<Tour Bus>VIV: Ohh, quite exciting, quite exciting this computer magic, wheeeee...IAN: How many uh planets have you destroyed, Viv?VIV: Well, four or five, fifth time around I think...really five, few galaxies gone, you know....",  "VIV: Ohh, quite exciting, quite exciting this computer magic, wheeeee...",  "DEREK: This is Cindy’s first moustache.IAN: Is it?",  "DAVID: Can I take it off now?JEANINE: Why? Too hot in here?DAVID: No, it’s...it’s, I thought I might go back to see what they’re up to back there you know, I don’t think they reallyneed to see this until you’ve finished with it, you know...",  "JEANINE: Well, you were reading, you can, you can read here...DAVID: Yeah, but...they, they’ve got a game back there, thought I’d maybe have a look at the new game, it’s like asubmarine thing.JEANINE: You’ve got, you’ve got all stuff over you again.",  "<David and Jeanine interview>DAVID: Before I met Jeanine, my life was cosmically a shambles, ",  "JEANINE: Oh, yeah, I mean listen to him when he’s experimenting, and things like that, don’t I? He’s, he plays things tome, sometimes when he’s worked up, and he’s got a new bit he wants to tell me about, you know, and I say“Yeah, that’s good”, or “that’s bad”, or “that’s shit”",  "JEANINE: Oh, yeah, I mean listen to him when he’s experimenting, and things like that, don’t I? He’s, he plays things tome, sometimes when he’s worked up, and he’s got a new bit he wants to tell me about, you know, and I say“Yeah, that’s good”, or “that’s bad”, or “that’s shit”",  "DAVID: Of course, you know, it’s so strange because Nigel and Jeanine are so similar in so many ways, but they justcan’t, they don’t dislike each other at all...JEANINE: No.DAVID: There’s great love between the two of them...JEANINE: Oh, yes....",  "MARTY: It’s pretty.NIGEL: Yeah, I like it, just been fooling about with it for a few months now, very delicate...MARTY: It’s a, it’s a bit of a departure from the kind of thing you normally play.",  "NIGEL: Yeah, it’s part of a...trilogy really, a musical trilogy I’m doing... in... D minor, which I always find is really thesaddest of all keys really. I don’t know why, but it makes people weep instantly, you play a..baaaaa...baaaaaait’s a horn part.MARTY: It’s very pretty.",  "MARTY: It’s very pretty.",  "aaa, baaaaa, yeah, just simple lines intertwining, you know very much like, I’m really influenced byMozart and Bach, it’s sort of in between those, really, it’s like a Mach piece really, it’s...MARTY: What do you call this?NIGEL: Well, this piece is called “Lick My Love Pump”.",  "NIGEL: Well, this piece is called “Lick My Love Pump”.",  "ASO: Excuse me, sir, do you have any metal objects in your pockets?  DEREK: Yeah.",  "ASO: Raise your arms....do you have any artificial plates or limbs?DEREK: Not really, no....",  "ARTIE: Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records, how are you, I’m your promo man here in Chicago.NIGEL: Wow, that’s great.ARTIE: I love you guys, and...NIGEL: Yeah.ARTIE: And of course, Nigel.NIGEL: Nigel.ARTIE: I love you, Nigel Tufnel.NIGEL: Right.",  "ARTIE: I love you, Nigel Tufnel.",  "MICK: The Food! The Food!...Ahhhhh...owwww...ohhhh?: The food!RSG: Oh, thank god, civilization! Where do I put this?",  "Will you do something for me?  NIGEL: What?  ARTIE: Do me a