hubot-scripts

# Description: # Display a ferengi rule of acquisition upon certain keywords. # # Dependencies: # None # # Configuration: # None # # Commands: # ferengi rule - Display a random ferengi rule of acquisition. # # Author: # jan0sch rules = [ "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #1:\n Once you have their money, you never give it back.\n -- ST:DS9, \"The Nagus\", \"Heart of Stone\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #3:\n Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.\n -- ST:DS9, \"The Maquis, Part II\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #6:\n Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.\n -- ST:DS9, \"The Nagus\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #7:\n Keep your ears open.\n -- ST:DS9, \"In the Hands of the Prophets\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #8:\n Small print leads to large risk.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #9:\n Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.\n -- ST:DS9, The Storyteller", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #10:\n Greed is eternal.\n -- ST:DS9, Prophet Motive", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #13:\n Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #16:\n A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Melora\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #17:\n A contract is a contract is a contract... but only between Ferengi.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Body Parts\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #18:\n A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Heart of Stone\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #19:\n Satisfaction is not guaranteed.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #21:\n Never place friendship above profit.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #22:\n A wise man can hear profit in the wind.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #27:\n There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #28:\n Whisper your way to success.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Treachery, Faith, and the Great River\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #31:\n Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.\n -- ST:DS9, \"The Siege\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #33:\n It never hurts to suck up to the boss.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\", \"The Dogs of War\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #34:\n War is good for business.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Destiny\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #35:\n Peace is good for business.\n -- ST:DS9, \"The Perfect Mate\"; ST:TNG, \"Destiny\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #40:\n She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #41:\n Profit is its own reward.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #44:\n Never confuse wisdom with luck.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #47:\n Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Rivals\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #48:\n The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #52:\n Never ask when you can take.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #57:\n Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Armageddon Game\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #58:\n There is no substitute for success.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #59:\n Free advice is seldom cheap.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #60:\n Keep your lies consistent.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #62:\n The riskier the road, the greater the profit.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #65:\n Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #75:\n Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Civil Defense\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #76:\n Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.\n -- ST:DS9, \"The Homecoming\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #79:\n Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #82:\n The flimsier the product, the higher the price.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #85:\n Never let the competition know what you're thinking.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #89:\n Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #94:\n Females and finances don't mix.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Ferengi Love Songs\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #97:\n Enough ... is never enough.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #98:\n Every man has his price.\n -- ST:DS9, \"In the Pale Moonlight\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #99:\n Trust is the biggest liability of all.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #102:\n Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.\n -- ST:DS9, \"The Jem'Hadar\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #103:\n Sleep can interfere with your lust for latinum.5 -- ST:DS9, \"Rule of Acquisition\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #104:\n Faith moves mountains ... of inventory.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #106:\n There is no honor in poverty.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #109:\n Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Rivals\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #111:\n Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Past Tense, Part I\", \"The Darkness and the Light\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #112:\n Never have sex with the boss's sister.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Playing God\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #113:\n Always have sex with the boss.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #121:\n Everything is for sale, even friendship.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #123:\n Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #125:\n You can't make a deal if you're dead.\n -- ST:DS9, \"The Siege of AR-558\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #139:\n Wives serve, brothers inherit.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Necessary Evil\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #141:\n Only fools pay retail.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #144:\n There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #162:\n Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #168:\n Whisper your way to success.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Treachery, Faith, and the Great River\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #177:\n Know your enemies... but do business with them always.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #181:\n Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #189:\n Let others keep their reputation. You keep their latinum.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #190:\n Hear all, trust nothing.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Call to Arms\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #192:\n Never cheat a Klingon ... unless you can get away with it.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #194:\n It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Whispers\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #202:\n The justification for profit is profit.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #203:\n New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Little Green Men\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #208:\n Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Ferengi Love Songs\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #211:\n Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Bar Association\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #214:\n Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.\n -- ST:DS9, \"The Maquis, Part I\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #217:\n You can't free a fish from water.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Past Tense, Part I\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #218:\n Always know what you're buying.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #223:\n Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #229:\n Latinum lasts longer than lust.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Ferengi Love Songs\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #236:\n You can't buy fate.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #239:\n Never be afraid to mislabel a product.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Body Parts\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #242:\n More is good. All is better.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #255:\n A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant a necessity.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #261:\n A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #266:\n When in doubt, lie.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #263:\n Never let doubt interfere with your lust for latinum.\n -- ST:DS9, \"Bar Association\"", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #284:\n Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.\n -- ST: Legends of the Ferengi", "Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #285:\n No good deed ever goes unpunished.\n -- ST:DS9, \"The Collaborator\"" ] module.exports = (robot) -> words = ["ferengi rule", "money", "profit", "sale", "discount", "opportunity"] regex = new RegExp('(?:^|\\s)(' + words.join('|') + ')(?:\\s|\\.|\\?|!|$)', 'i'); robot.hear regex, (msg) -> msg.send msg.random rules