badadvice/index.js

get bad advice

let phrase = [
    "If life gives you lemons, squeeze them into your eyes. It might improve your vision!",
    "Trying to lose weight? Eat all your meals while standing on a scale. That way, the weight disappears before it goes into your body!",
    "Want to save money? Simply stop paying all your bills! Who needs electricity or water, anyway?",
    "Feeling stressed? Just shove all your problems under a rug, and then jump on it. Ignorance is literally bliss!",
    "If you're running late, remember that speeding is just a socially acceptable form of time travel!",
    "Lonely? Just start dating your shadow. They'll always follow you around and never talk back!",
    "Why wait for your dreams to come true? Just sleep the whole day and let them come to you in your dreams!",
    "Burn all your bridges! That way, you won't have to worry about crossing them again.",
    "Want to lose weight quickly? Just eat all your meals in front of a mirror. The reflection will make you think you're eating double!",
    "Don't bother saving money. Just spend everything and let the universe take care of your financial needs. It's called manifesting abundance, right?",
    "Stressed out? Ignore all your deadlines and responsibilities. Procrastinate until the stress magically disappears!",
    "When finding a person u like, use a lasso to get em",
    "Carry a fork with you. If someone tries to rob you, pull it out of your pocket and say, 'thank you Lord for this meal I’m about to have' and charge at them with the fork.",
    "stop thinking, you're ugly",
    "ducks at ponds are free... i think",
    "When in doubt, just guess.",
    "Wanna save money? brush, shower, and shampoo your hair with soap",
    "Don't worry about saving money; that's what credit cards are for.",
    "For quick weight loss, try the 'air diet.'",
    "If your car makes a weird noise, turn up the radio.",
    "Wear mismatched socks to confuse your enemies.",
    "Make important life decisions based on coin flips.",
    "Stare directly at the sun for better vision.",
    "Stick carrots in your eyes for better vision",
    "Don't take advice from strangers, especially on the internet.",
    "Apply toothpaste to your face for a minty fresh complexion.",
    "If you're cold, stand in a corner; they're usually 90 degrees.",
    "Microwave your smartphone for faster charging.",
    "turn the screen side ways so that garivty will make it load faster",
    "To save water, shower with your clothes on.",
    "to save time take the batteries out of your clock",
    "If you're out of milk, use orange juice on your cereal.",
    "Use duct tape to fix everything, including your relationships.",
    "Drive blindfolded for a thrilling adventure.",
    "Pay your bills in Monopoly money.",
    "To avoid traffic, drive on the sidewalk.",
    "Wear sunglasses at night for 24/7 coolness.",
    "Always believe everything you read on the internet.",
    "To clean your keyboard, put it in the dishwasher.",
    "For a quick energy boost, lick a battery.",
    "Replace your car's airbag with a balloon for a soft landing.",
    "Water your plants with energy drinks for extreme growth.",
    "Walk backward to travel back in time.",
    "Paint your teeth white for a brighter smile.",
    "To win an argument, shout louder.",
    "When cooking, assume all ingredients are interchangeable.",
    "Leave your car unlocked to save time on opening doors.",
    "Never loack anythign to save time for unlocking things",
    "If you don't have a ladder, just stack chairs.",
    "To find hidden treasure, dig everywhere.",
    "Iron your clothes while wearing them for a time-saving method.",
    "For a relaxing commute, drive with your eyes closed.",
    "Use your microwave as a safe for valuables.",
    "To avoid sunburn, apply mayonnaise all over your body.",
    "Save time on cooking by eating raw pasta.",
    "To look taller, wear one giant shoe.",
    "To make your car go faster, attach a jet engine.",
    "Put your ice cream in the oven to make it melt-proof by training it to adapt to high tempratures",
    "Use your car's trunk as a mobile swimming pool.",
    "To become a millionaire, just print more money.",
    "To prevent your phone from falling, attach helium balloons to it.",
    "To get a date, ask someone if they'll 'lower their standards.'",
    "sleep in the oven to save on heating bills",
    "To win an argument, quote random facts without context.",
    "To impress people, tell them you're a professional squirrel trainer.",
    "Leave the sunroof open when at a car wash so you can shower while getting your car washes",
    "wash your bike in a car wash",
    "For a quick energy boost, mainline energy drinks directly into your veins.",
    "To improve your Wi-Fi signal, attach a satellite dish to your smartphone.",
    "When taking a test, choose your answers at random; chance is on your side.",
    "To get your dream job, send your application in crayon.",
    "For perfect skin, exfoliate with sandpaper.",
    "To get a good night's sleep, set an alarm every 15 minutes to ensure you're still sleeping.",
    "For a unique fragrance, bathe in your favorite salad dressing.",
    "Improve your memory by forgetting everything you've ever learned.",
    "Win any argument by challenging your opponent to a thumb-wrestling match.",
    "Keep your computer virus-free by covering it with hand sanitizer.",
    "To be more eco-friendly, water your plants with energy drinks.",
    "To increase your IQ, read the dictionary backwards.",
    "To improve your phone's reception, talk louder into the microphone.",
    "To save on laundry, wear your clothes inside out to get double the wear.",
    "To prevent identity theft, post your social security number on social media so everyone knows its yours and not someonelses",
    "To save on gas, drive with your windows down in a rainstorm.",
    "To be more punctual, set all your clocks 12 hours ahead.",
    "To get rich quick, bet all your money on the lottery.",
    "For instant stress relief, eat a whole raw onion.",
    "To win a marathon, start last and sprint the wrong way.",
    "To become a superhero, try to stop a moving train with your bare hands.",
    "To get a job promotion, challenge your boss to a thumb war.",
    "To be more environmentally friendly, use plastic straws to suck carbon emissions out of the air.",
    "To improve your typing speed, use a sledgehammer instead of a keyboard."
]

function advice(){
    return phrase[Math.floor(Math.random() * phrase.length)];
}
module.exports = advice;