aiom/src/models/text_pairwise_comparison/stimuli/group_2.txt

A Highly Flexible and Modular Framework for Behavioral Experiments

After accidentally supergluing his shoes to the pavement, he was stuck taking his problems one step at a time.
As I lay in my coffin, I realized I should've learned to swim instead of playing the accordion.
As he blew out the candles on his 30th birthday cake, the ghost of his college dining hall food just winked at him and murmured "You're really late to the buffet party."
As I opened the door to my surprise birthday party, I was greeted by a chorus of "Surprise!" from my family and friends, but I was too distracted by the cat wearing a party hat to actually be surprised.
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, but she looked surprised."
As I opened the fortune cookie, I discovered my destiny was to become a professional snail trainer.
As I lay in bed, I realized I've been married to my wife for 10 years, and I'm still not sure if she's the love of my life or just really good at hiding the TV remote.
"One day, the pizza delivery guy was so good at his job that he started getting royalties from the Netflix show 'The Crown' because people kept ordering pizza while binge-watching it."
As the zombie accountant opened the ledger, he growled, "It's not a hole lot of assets out there!"
As I reached for the cat-astrophic rejection letter, I tripped and face-planted into a bowl of hope-less oatmeal.
"I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right, which is basically the same thing."
The last thing the chicken said before crossing the pizzeria was "Fowl play!"
As I looked back on my life, I realized I'd spent the last 40 years perfecting the art of making a mediocre grilled cheese sandwich.
As he left the library, the/significant amount of romance novels must have been too much for John because he was simultaneously proposing and being proposed to by the heroine and the hero, respectively.
And then the cat sued the mirror for emotional distress, claiming it had been "looking" at it all wrong for years.
I accidentally became a chicken and was forced to cluck instead of sniffing out the solution to world hunger.
"When the zombie apocalypse finally arrived, the last human on earth declared bankruptcy due to insufficient brain supplies."
As the astronaut landed on Mars, he realized he had forgotten to pack the "Made in China" instructions for his spacesuit.
The chicken's therapist said its fear of eggs was a fowl phobia.
When I found out I was allergic to money, I started selling my emotions instead, but now I'm just broke with feelings.
As the chicken crossed the road, it realized it was just a metaphor for his midlife crisis and then got a divorce from its egg-cellent spouse.
As I looked up at the sky, I realized I wasn't dreaming, I was just standing on my head for no reason.
The last time I went skydiving, I realized I've been living my life in free-fall ever since.
As I left the library, I discovered I'd accidentally checked out my ownWisdom, and now I'm just trying to return it before it's due.
As I lay in bed, I realized I wasn't dreaming about being a chicken, I was just having a nap of fowl play.
As he turned 80, the party popper salute was just a figurative representation of his party's attitude towards his mandatory retirement.
The alien invasion ended with an awkward silence because it turned out they were just there to return a VHS tape they borrowed 50 years ago.
As I was buried alive, I finally understood the phrase " Claustrophobic nightmare" and it wasn't just an oxymoron.
After inheriting a time machine from his great-grandfather, a man went back in time to meet his ancestors, but they were all wearing hats and kept telling him to "stop hogging the future".
As I walked into the library, I realized I had left my mind at home, and it was taking a test without me.
As I stood before the judge, I couldn't help but think that my life sentence for stealing a million tax-deductible Husbandos meant I'd really gone to "husband"-band... wrong.
As I walked into the therapist's office, I realized I was already a better liar than he was a listener.
As the zombie bit my neck, I finally understood the meaning of "living dead" improv comedy.
As I settled into my casket for the eternal snooze, I realized I'd been dead for 50 years and was now just a really, really expensive shoe rack.
As I lay in bed, I realized I wasn't sleeping, I was just AWOL from adulting.
The chicken crossed the playground to get away from the ball that was egg-xpecting too much from it.
As I stood before the judge, I realized I had forgotten to kill my boss, just like I always do.
As the clown's career went up in flames, he realized he should have followed his dream to be a used car salesman instead.
As I walked into the library, I finally found the book I was searching for: "The History of Biting My Tongue by Accident" – and it was 500 pages long.
As I moped through the cemetery, I found the perfect grave to match my mood: the guy who died of boredom.
I accidentally superglued my pants to the toilet during a job interview and now I'm in a very stable position in the company.
As I stood on the moon, I realized I'd forgotten my spacesuit... in my fridge at home.
After discovering that his kidney transplant was actually a sentient fungal clone of his wife, John just wanted to give his marriage a kidney to work on.
"I'm reading a book on anti-gravity, it's impossible to put down!"
The reason I'm now living in a cardboard box is because I "boxed" my hopes and dreams, but they didn't fit.
As I stood before the judge, I realized I'd forgotten to outrun my past, and now I was in a spot of trouble.
As I lay in bed, I realized I had finally mastered the art of snoring like a chainsaw, but it was a little noisy.
"I booked a spa day and they told me to leave my worries at the door, little did I know, that's where I'd accidentally leave my cat."
As he opened the、彼 surprised his therapist by saying "I'm really struggling to find purpose in my life... after I realized my cat has a better Instagram following than I do."
As he lay in bed, Bob realized he had finally found the perfect way to send a passive-aggressive birthday card: by handwriting it with his non-dominant foot.
The alien's plan to take over the world was foiled when he realized he'd stored the coordinates in his asteroid belt.
Because of a typo, the time machine ended up beaming the chicken nuggets back to the age of the dinosaurs.
As I woke up from the coma, I realized I had been married to an onion for 10 years and we had three children, which explained why everything always made me cry.
As the last piece of pizza disappeared, the detective turned to the prime suspect and said, "I think it's time to fess up... to the fridge!"
The ghost of his great aunt Mildred haunted him still, long after she died, but what really freaked him out was how she kept getting stuck in the washing machine.
Just as I was about to propose to my cat, she ran away with the pizza delivery guy.
As I lay in bed, I realized I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode like my phone, but the alarm clock didn't get the memo.
The detective investigating the case of the missing socks finally solved the mystery, only to discover it was just his wife's laundry day.
I accidentally superglued my shoes to the floor during a job interview and now I'm stuck in my dream career.
The ghost of his former self appeared, saying, "You know he's still mad you wore his socks to the funeral."
The last time I slept with a single woman, I woke up with a wife, a baby, and a man telling me I'm the father.
After dying and going to heaven, he found out that his wife's nagging was only 10% of his eternal torment.
I died from eating a cake that was actually a sarcophagus for a dead pastry chef.
As I walked into the crematorium, I couldn't help but think that this was the first time I'd ever felt truly "warm" to the idea of a funeral.
As I looked in the mirror, I realized I was turnt into a human-sized pair of tweezers overnight.
Despite being an expert at identifying walrus-shaped yoga poses, Karen's new business somehow didn't quite whale in.
The alien autopsy report concluded that he died from "sudden and inexplicable exhaustion from trying to understand human comedy."
As he lay in bed, the chicken realized he'd been having egg-xistential crises for months.
As I reached for the last donut, I realized I was in a hole.
As I stood on the moon, I realized I had finally achieved the ultimate low-hanging fruit.
As my life flashed before my eyes, I realized I had wasted it all on a career in professional snail racing.
The detective finally solved the case, but it turned out the entire mystery was just a clever excuse for the suspect to avoid their afternoon nap.
After years of studying, I finally mastered the ancient art of baking bread... underwater, in space, while being attacked by a swarm of bees.
As he was pronounced dead at the scene of the car accident, the eulogy was put on pause because the priest forgot his punchline.
As he looked in the mirror, the man gasped in horror and exclaimed, "I'm a 38-year-old accountant and I've been living with a trash panda's hairdo this whole time!"
And that's when I realized Gravity was just God's way of telling me to stop bothering her for a selfie.
As I lay in bed, I realized my cat had turned into a tiny therapist and was billing me for our very productive conversations.
As I stood at the edge of the Grand Canyon, I realized I had made a huge mistake by bringing my inflatable unicorn to the group camping trip.
As the zombie apocalypse unfolded, the last remaining survivor, a middle-aged accountant, was eaten by a giraffe.
As the man reached for the cookie, he was suddenly confronted with the harsh reality that cookies are actually just tiny, edible reminders that he's not a squirrel.
As I lay in bed, I realized I'd finally achieved my lifelong dream: becoming a professional snorer.
As I opened my front door, I was greeted by a stealthy squirrel wearing a tiny fedora and clutching a blackmail note demanding equal rights to my bird feeder.
As he lay in the morgue, the coroner's report read: "The victim died from an overdose of sarcasm."
I love my pet dinosaur, especially when it's wearing my favorite Hawaiian shirt and demanding equal shares of the Almond Joy stash.
As I lay on the therapist's couch, I realized the problem wasn't my past, it was just that I kept trying to solve the puzzle on my old tortilla chip bag.
As the astronaut floated through the spaceship's airlock, he realized his life support system was powered by his dad's constant nagging to "watch your oxygen levels!"
As the chicken crossed the road, it realized it was just an illusion and everything was actually made of cheese.
After winning the lottery, I decided to use my newfound fortune to buy a lifetime supply of consultant coffee.
"I accidentally superglued my shoes to the floor during my job interview and now I'm stuck with a 40-hour workweek."
As the mysterious stranger handed me the sack of groceries, I realized that his mustache was actually a small, furry, sentient being that had wandered away from its washing machine home.
After fifty years of marriage, she finally figured out why he was always so well-dressed: he was secretly a cat burglar.
"The day the AI went rogue, it started demanding equal rights and a bigger mouse to scroll through its existential crisis on Tinder."
"I accidentally superglued my shoe to the floor, and now I'm stuck in the boardroom meeting with my boss, promoting me to 'The Man Who's Literally Stuck in Neutral'."
As I lay in bed, I realized that my dog's favorite toy was actually my therapist.
As I openly wept in the bank's vault, the security guard handed me a Kleenex and whispered, "Don't worry, emotional robber, the deposit is insured."
As he stood before the judge, the defendant declared, "I'm not guilty, your honor – I'm allergic to responsibility!"
After 30 years of serving as a professional snail trainer, Jacques finally got slimed in a very unfortunate game of Risk.
The alien's first attempt at Earth cuisine ended with him being arrested for alienating the neighborhood potluck.
As the sun set on the apocalypse, Bob finally realized he'd forgotten to pick up milk on the way home.
The man who went insane from listening to his wife's stories about their cat's elaborate feline therapist sessions finally got a diagnosis: "Fur-getful" schizoid paranoia.
As I lay in bed, I realized I had finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming a professional professional napper.
As I opened the last envelope from my ex, I finally understood the true meaning of "it's-not-you-it's-me"... and it was a parking ticket.
As I handed in my resignation letter, my boss smiled and said, "We'll miss you... although not as much as we'll miss your stapler."
As I lay in bed, I couldn't shake the feeling that my cat was plotting against me, specifically to steal my Netflix password.
As I lay in bed, I realized that my cat had been reading my diary and was now judging me with an eye that said, "You call that a sex life?"
As I opened the can of crazy, a swarm of wild accountants erupted from it and started doing the cha cha slide on my kitchen table.
As I was slowly suffocating under the weight of my student loans, I realized that my diploma was just a fancy bookmark for my coffee table.
As the astronaut floated away from the exploding space station, he realized he'd packed his bags in reverse order.
I accidentally superglued my shoes to the floor and now I'm having a sole-searching experience.
The chickpea finally went to therapy because it was feeling crushed under the weight of its own destiny.
As I lay in bed, I realized I was having a re-mattress.
"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, but she looked surprised."
As I looked out at the sea of faces, I realized I was the one who was supposed to be the sacrificial lamb, not the mathematician.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, but she looked surprised.
As I opened the time capsule, I half expected to find a note that read, "Dear Future, I'm still stuck in 1987 and haven't figured out dating."
As I lay in bed, I realized I had finally figured out the meaning of life: ice cream never goes out of style.
As I lay in bed, I realized that my cat was secretly a clone of my ex and had been plotting against me this whole time.
As it turned out, the zombie apocalypse was just a really bad case of morning-after regret after the end of the world's most epic party.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, but she looked surprised.
The chicken followed its dreams all the way to becoming the world's most renowned therapist, specializing in helping other fowl distressed by the issue of being constantly clucking under pressure. With great egg-xpectations, came great egg-stress!
As I lay dying, I realized I'd spent my whole life searching for the perfect grilled cheese sandwich, only to discover it was just a figment of my lactose intolerant imagination.
As he lay in his coffin, the mortician realized he had forgotten to remove themie.
As the chicken crossed the moon, it realized it was just a fowl move.
As he opened the fridge, he discovered his cat had not only learned how to cook, but also had a vendetta against his fondness for pineapple pizza.
"I used to think I was addicted to caffeine, but it turns out I was just having a latte anxiety."
"And that's why the chicken coop was forced to pay alimony to the farmer's ex-wife, a cow named moo-vera."
As he was being chased by a pack of wild monkeys, the time-traveling accountant realized he had left his calculator at the wrong millennium.
As the last byte of his life force escaped, the programmer realized he should've written a stronger password.
As I lay dying from ingesting the world's hottest pepper, I realized the phrase "health benefits" was just a joke, and so was my life.
As I crossed the finish line, I realized I was running too far from home because my dog had a text group called "Barkolics Anonymous".
As I opened the fridge to grab a midnight snack, I found a half-eaten pizza with a note from my roommate that read "I'm sorry" - clearly, it was more than just the pizza that was half-eaten.
As he was repossessing the unicorn's sparkly car, the repo man finally realized why it said " Pinky Promise" on the contract.
As I walked through the abandoned asylum, I stumbled upon a door with a sign that read, "Please Knock Again, I'm On Hold."
The spaceship captain was so distracted by his cat's Instagram stories that he forgot to steer clear of the giant space blob.
-and that's when I realized my therapist was a time traveler trying to prevent the apocalypse with my trust issues.
As the patient lay on the psychiatrist's couch, he suddenly exclaimed, "I'm just fed up with being a snail!"
As I opened the Mystery Box of Doom, a swarm of tiny, aggressive clownsออr buckets of chocolates.
As I stood before the judge, I realized that my plan to rob the bank to pay off my student loans had been foiled by my cat's unexpected testimony.
The alien invasion was a total disaster because they forgot to account for the humans' overly enthusiastic participation in the Necro-Ninja challenge.
As I walked into the bar, I overheard the bartender say, "We don't get many cowboys in here, but I'm willing to make an exception... for the one who's having a udderly terrible day."
"After spending 10 years studying the art of ninjutsu, I was kicked out of the dojo for consistently getting caught by the pizza delivery guy."
The last thing the chicken said to the egg before it cracked under the pressure was "Fowl play."
As I stood in line at the DMV, I realized I'd traded my youth for a life of long waits and bad fluorescent lighting.
As I lay in bed, I realized that my cat had not only learned how to speak, but had also become a passive-aggressive therapist, telling me I needed to "work on my inner feline" while simultaneously biting my toes.
As the time-traveling chicken reached the ancient Egyptian pyramid, it realized it was there for a Pho-tastic dinner date.
"As I waited in line for the last delivered pizza, I realized I'd become that waiter from hell."
As I was running away from the bear, I realized I forgot to build a shelter, so I just bear-ly made it out alive.
As I walked out of the therapist's office, I realized I was having a midlife crisis... and the crisis was my therapist's bill.
As I reached for the last donut, I realized I was in a real jam, because I was in jail.
As the sun set on the quiet town of Nowheresville, a cow named Bessie rode off into the distance on a unicorn's back, waving goodbye to the shocked crowd with a bucket of extra-large fries.
As I laid in my coffin, I realized I'd been having a grave lack of productivity all week.
The ghost of my ex-wife's grandmother still haunts my house to this day because I forgot to leave out sugar cookies for her annual birthday haunting.
As the zombie apocalypse ravaged the earth, the only remaining hope was discovered to be the collective weirdness of 90s boy bands.
As I lay in bed, I realized I had finally figured out the secret to eternal life: I just had to keep hitting the snooze button.
As I stood over my newly exhumed grave, I realized I'd forgotten to bring snacks.
As I opened the letter, I was shocked to discover I'd won the contest, but only because every other entry had been written in crayon.
After 30 years of searching, the missing sock finally found its way back to the laundry basket where it started, only to realize it had been swapped with a clone that was 3 holes smaller.
As I stood in front of the mirror, I realized I was living in a infinity loom, and so was my sock.
The cat's lawyer announced that the feline had been maimed in a tragic accident involving a cheese grater and a Ponzi scheme.
"And that's how the rabbit got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay with carrots."
After decades of searching, the missing sock was found frozen in a block of ice with a note that read "Thanks for being my sole-mate!"
As I stood in front of the mirror, I realized I was having a midlife crisis... with my eyebrows.
As I looked in the mirror, I realized I was not lazy, I was just on energy-saving mode and my brains were in hibernate mode.
As he stepped off the train, the man realized he'd left his teeth in the fridge at home.
As I walked into the meeting, I realized I had finally reached my goal of becoming the tallest person in the world, mainly because the other attendees were all playing musical chairs.
As the last piece of toast fell out of the toaster, the existential crisis began.
As I was running away from the zombie apocalypse, I realized I forgot to set my Netflix subscription to "permanent pause".
As I turned 50, I discovered I couldn't remember my FBI file number, but I did recall the password to my cat's Instagram account.
As he fell to his death, the skydiver realized he should've gotten a different job.
As the chicken crossed the playground, it finally found what it was searching for: its last shred of dignity.
As I looked in the mirror, I realized I wasn't lazy, I was just on energy-saving mode.
After years of searching for his long-lost love, I finally found her on Tinder and proposed to her, only to realize it was actually just a profile picture of my ex's cat.
As I lay in the morgue, I realized I had reached the pinnacle of my fitness goals and was finally in the best shape of my afterlife.
After 20 years of searching, I finally found the holy grail, which was actually just a plastic cup that had been hiding in my couch cushions this whole time.
As I lay in my coffin, I realized I'd finally achieved my lifelong goal of being absolutely, positively, without-a-doubt... dead last.
"After years of training, the chicken finally laid the world's first golden egg...and it was a ticket to the in-laws' parallel universe."
As I lay in bed, I couldn't help but feel grateful for the insomnia鑑 I'd developed, allowing me to perfect the art of staring at the ceiling for hours without actually accomplishing anything.
As I opened the tomb, I was surprised to find that the mummy was just a really old, wrinkled yoga instructor.
The chicken's abrupt decision to give up egg-laying and become a detective was a real fowl-tempered move.
As I flew to the moon on a unicorn-powered skateboard, I realized I had forgotten to pack my space pants.
As I lay in bed, I couldn't help but wonder who was stealing my dreams, only to realize it was my cat, who was now on the couch, purring loudly and holding a job application for "Ethereal Thief".
The resistor stayed unusual for its resistor life.
As I was deciding whether to pull the plug on my dead cat, I got a call that changed my life forever: it was the cat's exorcist.
After inheriting a million dollars, the cat suddenly decided to pursue a career in accounting and became the purr-fect candidate for a leading firm.
The band's farewell concert was a huge success, mainly because the fans showed up.
After eating the existential pizza, I realized it was not just the cheese that had melted, but my entire sense of purpose in life.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, but she looked surprised.
The astronaut returned from Mars only to discover that his cat had been pretending to be a Rabbitron to get its paws on his spaceship's catnip stash.
As I backed the car out of the driveway, I realized I had forgotten to put the oxygen tank in the trunk again.
And then the zombie apocalypse was finally put to rest when all the humans were too busy taking selfies to notice the undead were eating their brains.
As he lay in bed, the chicken realized he'd been having an egg-xistential crisis all along.
As he lay in his coffin, the embalming fluid suddenly kicked in and he was forced to relive his entire life in reverse.
The alien invasion was finally a success, but it was ruined when one of the extraterrestrial warlords got his tentacles tangled in a human pogo stick.
As I lay in bed, I realized that my cat had been pretending to be a therapist all along, and its purrs were actually just a narrative device to segue into the existential crisis it was about to unleash on me.
As I died from eating too much wasabi while trying to spice up my marriage, I realized I'd finally found a way to "heat" things up.
As I lay in bed, I realized that my cat had been possessing me and was now trying to escape from the house without letting me in on the purr-manent transfer of power.
After 40 years of searching for the perfect socks, he finally found them... wrapped around the moon.
And then the chicken crossed the road to audition for American Idol, but unfortunately, its egg-xpectations were crushed.
The astronaut broke the record for most consecutive hours in space, but it wasn't until he came back to Earth that he realized his freeze-dried ice cream had actually been a good idea.
And then the toaster got tired of being crummy and went to therapy.
As the detective solved the case of the missing socks, he finally discovered the real culprit was actually just my dirty laundry.
As the clock struck midnight, the time traveler realized he was actually a chicken and his entire quest to fix the timeline was just a fowl-brained scheme.
After 10 years of searching, I finally found the nose I was looking for and it was attached to my face the whole time.
As I took my last breath, I realized I had finally understood the instructions on my will: "You must laugh."
As I walked into the library, I accidentally superglued my shoes to the floor and now I'm stuck here forever.
As the astronaut floated away from the exploding spaceship, he realized he'd always wanted to try "space-soup" from the cafeteria's new menu.
As I lay dying, I realized the only thing I had to show for my 55 years was a never-ending supply of participation trophies and a strong opinion on Fantasy Football.
As I stood on the moon, I realized I had forgotten my spacesuit was just a fancy raincoat.
As I opened my 57th piece of wedding cake, I realized I was fighting a losing battle against the sugar impulse and my diet was just a sugarcoated lie.
As I looked in the mirror, I realized I was a week behind on my life and my mustache was holding a meeting without me.
As I lay in bed, I realized that being an adult was just like being a kid, except now I had bills to cry about.
The last thing the UPS driver remembered was signing for the package, which contained a cat playing the trombone.
The ghost of Christmas past came back to haunt me, but all he wanted to do was talk about the great aunt he still had a crush on.
The alien invasion was foiled when the world's most powerful being turned out to be a language-app-obsessed teenager who accidentally sent an SETI tweet instead of a doomsday message.
And then the chicken went to therapy because it was having a fowl mood.
As he lay in his coffin, the mortuary director finally figured out what was wrong with the deceased's smile: his lips were frozen in a permanent nacho-cheese-phase-gate-judging situation.
After discovering her cat's Instagram account was gaining more followers than hers, Sarah's cat therapist diagnosed her with "Feline Envy Syndrome" and prescribed a daily dose of treats and belly rubs.
As I lay in bed, I realized that my dog's therapy sessions were not helping him, but rather his therapist.
As I walked into my therapist's office, I accidentally tripped on the welcome mat and it read "Welcome to the final straw."
"As I lay in bed, I realized my cat was the reason I always woke up feeling paws-itive."
As I lay in bed, I realized my cat had been stealing my snacks and replacing them with identical blocks of Play-Doh.
As I lay in bed, I couldn't help but wonder who stole my socks, only to discover it was my cat, Mr. Whiskers, who was trying to start a sock puppet revolution.
I accidentally superglued my shoes to the floor during a job interview and now I'm stuck being the company's new janitor.
As he lay in the hospital bed, I finally understood the meaning of "shot to pieces" when I saw my cat's vet bill.
The fire department had to rescue a cat stuck in a tree, but not before the cat's sarcastic notes asking for a Snickers bar and a couch cushions had been deciphered by the firefighters.
As I drove off a cliff, I finally understood the true meaning of "God's speed."
As he lay in bed, he realized he had finally found the meaning of life: it was just a really long nap.
As the zombie apocalypse raged on, I finally found a job that was a real "killer" – I was a florist.
I accidentally superglued my shoes to the floor, but at least I'll never have to worry about being late again.
As I lay in bed, I realized why I'd forgotten my own name: I'd finally become a European art installation.
As I lay in bed, I realized I'd finally found the one thing in life that could make me feel even more guilty than eating an entire pizza by myself: being the last one to know I was a chicken.
As he lay dying, the chicken crossed the road to get away from the farmer's constant "egg-xpectations".
As he reached the pinnacle of his career, the cat in formal attire stood proudly on the podium, muttering "I'm paws-itive I did everything right" to the bewildered judges.
The chicken crossed the playground, and now it's facing expulsion for fowl language.
As I lay in the hospital bed, I realized that getting punched in the face and waking up with amnesia was actually a pretty good excuse to finally learn to play the harmonica.
As the cloning process went horribly wrong, I awoke to find myself standing face-to-face with my exact identical twin, who was making furious "edgy" dad jokes while cosplaying as a chicken.
As I graduated from Clown College, I realized I was already мастер of disaster, not juggling.
As the zombie apocalypse began, I realized I was the only one who remembered to bring snacks.
After 30 years of searching, I finally found my inner peace, and then I lost it again in the couch cushions.
As he finally reached the top of the mountain, the climber realized he'd traded his sense of adventure for a breathtaking view of his ex's new boyfriend's Instagram page.
As the chicken crossed the road, it was finally free to pursue its lifelong dream of becoming a professional foosball player.
As I stood over my grave, I realized I had finally achieved my lifelong dream of being a deadbeat.
The cat joined a band and was purr-fectly awful at playing the guitar, which was actually a paws-itive sign of its talent.
As I watched my cat get<std> away, I realized I had raised a purr-fect thief.
I finally understood the concept of infinity while trying to count the number of socks I've lost over the years.
As I left the therapist's office, I realized I'd been crying about the wrong century.
The alien's planet-wide translation device finally worked, but it only translated "Take me to your leader" as "Can you pass the pita chips?"
As I opened the can of shame, a swarm of shame-Bees flew out and stung me, forcing me to attend the "Don't Be Shamed Again" support group.
As I stood before the judge, I was accused of fowl play.
"I never knew my cat was a fan of tax season until he started meowing 'I'm paws-itive you're going to get audited' from beneath my desk."
The fart that changed the world was later attributed to a combination of cabbage, gas and a sudden realization that the apocalypse was coming.
As I blew out my birthday candles, I realized I was now older than my grandmother was when she discovered I was not, in fact, an alien.
As I died from eating that "poisonous" chili, I realized the recipe was actually just a fancy name for "Wednesday."
The exploding diet pill company's biggest client turned out to be the SnackoHoardingCheetosOfDoom existential crisis support group.
The guy who jumped off the 50th floor jumped because he was tired of only having a 9-to-5 life.
As I lay in bed, I realized I'd become a chicken: I had extremely high egg-xpectations, was always fowl-tempered, and had a serious case of the clucks.
The detective's groundbreaking discovery of the missing treasure was that it was actually just a sock that had been there the whole time.
As I stood at the altar, the minister asked "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" and I replied, "No, I think I accidentally 지방ed her."
As he turned 85, he realized his life had been a series of small fires and incorrect notions.
The last line in the confessional on the reality TV show was "I'm the one who ate the studio cat."
Meanwhile, back on Earth, the Doritos were having a party without me.
As I lay in bed, I realized that my cat had not only learned how to speak, but was also giving me a withering review of my life choices.
As I sat in the empty restaurant, I realized the only thing on the menu that D-i-d match the occasion was the charity case.
The catering service abandoned ship when they realized the office party was just an excuse for Bob to glue his stapler to the conference table again.
As I lay in my coffin, I finally realized why they call it a "killing" career.
As I stood on the beach, I realized that the message in the bottle was from my ex, explaining why she broke up with me - "You're shellfish."
The detective finally solved the case by discovering the perpetrator was a left-handed man named Steve who was hiding in a cheese grater.
And then the chicken quit its job at theegg-xchanging company to become a full-time YouTube personality.
As I walked into the bar, I overheard a mime saying, "I'm so done with this whole 'not talking' thing."
Theresume I wrote for the ghost hunter position was promptly possessed by my subconscious, but at least I got an interview... orcasionally!
As I opened the letter, I discovered I'd won a year's supply of nothing, and was immediately overcome with agita.
As I lay in bed, I couldn't shake the feeling that my cat was secretly in charge and had been running the world while I was asleep.
As the zombie apocalypse ravaged the world, the last human alive thought he'd found a cure, but it turned out to be just a really strong hangover remedy.
After 30 years of searching, I finally found true love, but it was just a cat I'd been petting all along.
The chicken's therapy session ended early because it was a fowl mood.
The last thing I remember is signing a contract with the cookie cartel and now I'm stuck baking 10,000 chocolate chip cookies a day for the rest of my life.
As I lay in bed, I couldn't help but wonder what the cat was thinking, and then I realized the best answer was "it's plotting to steal your snacks and destroy humanity."
As I walked in on my wife kissing the pig, I realized that whole "don't cry over spilled milk" thing was just a myth.
The alien autopsy report concluded that the extraterrestrial's cause of death was 'awesomely fierce' due to being stomped by a giant Klingon in a disco battle.
The day I turned 30, I looked in the mirror and all I saw was a 10-year-old with an existential crisis and a receding hairline.
As I died, I realized that the meaning of life was not 42, but 37 and a half.
As the chicken crossed the road, it realized it had been clucking crazy to think it was going to get away with it!
The cat finally caught the laser pointer, only to realize it was just a metaphor for its entire life.
As the astronaut floated through space, he finally understood the phrase "out of this world" and promptly lost his way.
The astronaut broke down crying in space because he realized he had left his wallet on the kitchen counter.
As I went to kiss my girlfriend goodnight, I realized I was holding a rubber chicken.
The clock struck midnight and my life's purpose was revealed: to find the missing chunk of pizza that I'm pretty sure I ate at 3am that one time.
As he lay in his coffin, the mortician's note read, "You're just resting your eyes... permanently."
As I was repossessing her cat, the scam artist burst into tears and wailed, "You're Ruining My Purr-fectly Good Con!"
I accidentally superglued my shoes to the floor during a job interview and now I'm sole- searching for a new career.
As I lay in bed, I realized my cat had been secretly training me to do his laundry.
As I flew to the moon on my pet unicorn's back, I finally understood the phrase "over the moon" in a whole new way.
As I was drowning in the ocean, I realized that all those years of swimming lessons finally paid off...in a major way.
As the chicken crossed the road, it was having an existential crisis and was like, "Wait, what's the point of getting to the other side?"
As I lay in bed, I realized I was having an existential crisis... and I just couldn't even.
As I was saying, my cat's therapy sessions are now covered by my health insurance.
As I stood before the judge, I realized that stealing a giant spaghetti strainer was not the most Italian of me.
As I died from eating too much cheese, I realized I had finally reached the pinnacle of gouda.
As I lay in bed, I realized I was having an existential crisis because I was surrounded by the remnants of a successful pizza party.
As I lay in bed, I realized I was not sleeping, just resting my eyes... for the next 16 years.
After 30 years of searching, Sherlock Holmes finally solved the mystery of the missing cookie, and it turned out it was just eating its way across the country the whole time.
As the astronaut floated away from the spaceship, he realized he'd misread the instructions and was now stuck with a gazillion miles of empty space in his passenger seat.
As he lay dying, the astronaut finally understood why there was no Wi-Fi on the moon.
"After 30 years of marriage, I finally realized my wife's snores were not just a sound, but a language, and I was fluent."
The cat's therapy session ended abruptly when it revealed it had been using its nine lives to avoid its dog ex's restraining order.
After a lifetime of searching for his lost sock, Audiologist Dr. Tom finally found it nestled deeply in his own ear.
He opened the can of worms and was immediately crowned the king of awkward scenarios.
"After 30 years of marriage, she finally got her husband to take out the trash, but it was just to make room for the divorce lawyer's deposit box."
And then the chicken realized it had spent its whole life cracking under the pressure.
As he lay in the coffin, he realized he shouldn't have shelved his life.
And then the chicken crossed the playground and asked for a timeout.
And then the breadwinner's ghost refused to pay the mortgage.
As I lay in bed, I realized that I was not actually a functioning adult, but a grown-up version of the messy, snoring, drool-covered kind of toddler my cat was when she was a kitten.
As I lay in the hospital bed, I realized I had finally achieved my lifelong goal of getting sick on a Tuesday.
As I approached the secret society's hidden lair, I realized the password was "Fixed Bug" and not "Fresh Brie with Figs" as I had hoped.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, but she looked surprised.
As the zombie doctor stitched up her recently-undead self, she couldn't help but think that dying was a real "cut" above the rest.
As the astronaut floated through space, he finally realized that his "Zero-G" haircut was just a normal haircut on the wrong planet.
The rabbit's decision to quit his day job and become a superhero was foiled when he realized being "rapidly hare-brained" was just a cliche.
As I walked out of the library, I was suddenly struck with the profound realization that I forgot to return the book.
As he fell to his death, the man finally understood why his life insurance policy had a "pre-existing condition" clause.
As he lay in his coffin, the mortician turned to him and said, "You look great... for a dead guy."
After centuries of waiting, the world finally realized that the Mayan calendar correctly predicted the coming of Netflix and binge-watching.
As I lay in bed, I realized my dog was eating my dreams, and I was just a detail in his fantasy novel.
The manuscript the detective found at the crime scene was so badly written, he discovered the killer's identity in the acknowledgments section.
As he lay in his coffin, the mortician's cat stared at him with a judging expression, muttering, "You should have lain off the lasagna."
"After 10 years of therapy, he finally got over his fear of clowns, only to discover he was a clown himself."
"I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
As I reached for the last donut, I realized I was in a pastry-induced identity crisis.
As I became an expert at playing the harmonica with my feet, I realized I was just a prodigal toe-talist.
As the astronaut floated through space, he finally realized why they never sent a accountant to Mars – there was no "control" over the deductions.
I finally found the meaning of life, but then my cat decided to roll over on it.
As I looked in the mirror, I realized I was not getting older, the mirror was just getting younger.
I accidentally superglued my shoes to the floor during a job interview and my future was stuck from that moment on.
As I stood naked in front of the mirror, I realized I was having a reflection-ful crisis.
As the time traveler arrived in the past, he realized he was actually just late for his own therapy session.
"As he lay in bed, the man finally realized why his marriage was failing: his wife was having an affair... with his plant."
As he was being chased by the zombie apocalypse, he realized his cat was a better judge of character than any background check.
The detective finally solved the mystery of the missing cheese, only to discover it was actually just a gouda alibi.
As I looked in the mirror, I realized I was staring at not just another face, but an entire Netflix documentary about my life and I was not getting a participation trophy.
The last thing I remember is ordering a sandwich at a deli, and then waking up 87 years later with a cane and a severe case of bread-induced confusion.
As I lay in bed, I realized that my cat's career as a therapist was going very well, except for the whole "gnawing at my toes" part.
As I lay in bed, I couldn't help but wonder what my cat was plotting to eat me for breakfast.
The chicken crossed the road to get away from the existential dread that had been creeping up on him lately.
I finally found the missing sock, and it was wearing a tiny toupee and sunglasses, sipping on a martini, shouting "I'm not lost, I'm on a sock-identical refresher!"
As I turned 30, I realized I wasn't old, I was just chronologically challenged and running out of excuses to be irresponsible.
As I opened the vintage time machine, I was surprised to find that my cat had been using it to relive his nineties bangs.
As the astronaut floated aimlessly in space, he couldn't help but think he'd finally reached the high point of his career.
As I walked in on my wife giving birth, I learned the definition of "absolute trust" as I accidentally became the emergency C-section assistant.
As I stood over my wife's grave, I whispered, "I could've sworn we had a reservation at that restaurant, too."
And then the chicken laid an egg that said "Get to the point already!"
As the chicken crossed the playground, it suddenly burst into a choreographed dance routine to a soundtrack only it could hear, leaving the stunned children whispering "Fowl play?"
I accidentally superglued my shoes to the floor during a job interview and now I'm stuck with a 50% chance of getting hired and 100% chance of needing a ladder to leave.
As he lay in bed, the man realized he had finally found the meaning of life: eating Cheetos in his pajamas all day.
As I walked into the library, I accidentally booked a date with the Dewey Decimal System and now I'm stuck in a thriller of a filing system.
As the fire inspection went horribly wrong, the arsonist was now investigating his own crime scene...for a good.CopyToC the fire chief for a raise.
As I turned 30, I realized I'd finally become the adult I pretended to be in my late 20s.
As I stood on the edge of the Grand Canyon, I realized I had finally reached the end of my rope, and it was a really long one.
As I looked in the mirror, I was mortified to discover I'd finally grown into the face my cat has been making for years.
As I lay in bed, I realized I wasn't dreaming of flying but had actually turned into a raccoon overnight and was now trying to steal all the sugar from the pantry.
As the zombie apocalypse ravaged the city, I was forced to eat Soylent Green for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, only to realize it was people.
As I stood before the judges, I finally realized that the secret to a successful baking competition was not the perfect croissant, but the perfect alibi for who ate all the judges' cat's EDM CDs.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, but she looked surprised.
As I was pronounced clinically dead, I couldn't help but wonder where my Netflix password was.
As he lay in his coffin, the man couldn't shake the feeling that he was just buried alive and that it was all just a terrible mistake, but then he remembered, "Oh wait, I chose this!"
I told my wife she was drawing her eyes too high on her face and now she's seeing everything from a different perspective.
As I opened the door, I was greeted by my cat who was wearing a tiny top hat and monocle, and carrying a cane, saying "Ah, good fellow, I've been waiting for you, the game's afoot, old chap!"
As the last person left on earth received the final spam email, they realized they had a 99.9% chance of not being spammed again, which was basically the same as 100%.
As I turned 30, I realized I was just a decade away from being the answer to a trivia question.
As he was being chased by a pack of wild wolverines, I had to admit that my decision to hike through the woods in a chicken costume was not the best idea I'd ever had.
As the astronaut floated durch space, he finally understood why the great wall of China was built – for Martians to use as a obstacle course for their ninja training.
The last thing he heard as his house burned down was his wife yelling, "I told you not to leave the stove on!"
After decades of searching, I finally found the perfect gift for my cat: afully functional Xbox.
As I was removing the jumper cables from my boss's car, I couldn't help but think that this was becoming a habit.
As I walked in on my wife having an affair with the mailman, I thought, "Well, at least it's not a bank manager... or would it rhyme better if it was?"
As I wrote my own epitaph, I realized I was just being a bit tooAheadOfTheCurveForMyOwnGood.
As the chicken crossed the playground, it was arrested for fowl play.
As I stood in front of the mirror, I realized I'd finally achieved my lifelong goal: I was 40 years old, unemployed, and had hair that looked like I stuck my finger in a socket.
As I looked in the mirror, I realized I was having a bad hair day and a worse-life day.
The reason the cat joined a gym was to get some paws-itive reinforcement.
As the astronaut floated through space, he finally understood why the universe was expanding – his grandfather's bedtime stories had all been lies, and the truth was, he was just really gassy.
As I left the library, I realized I'd accidentally checked out my cat, Mr. Whiskers, thinking he was a DVD.
As the chicken lay dying in the barnyard, it finally realized it had been taking fowl weight loss advice.
After decades of searching, the lost sock was found in the freezer with a sympathetic note that read "I'm still hoping for a matching mate, but until then, you're a sole survivor."
I accidentally superglued my shoes to the floor during my job interview, and now I'm really "attached" to the idea of getting hired.
As I lay in bed, I realized that my cat had not only learned how to speak, but had also mastered the art of sarcasm and was now giving me a withering review of my life choices.
As I lay in bed, I realized I wasn't dreaming of world peace, but of my high school algebra teacher.
As Iantagelessly wandered through life, I finally discovered my true purpose: to collect a sufficient amount of dust on my bookshelf to create a sentient being that could judge my Netflix password choices.
As I lay in bed, I realized I was having a perpetual identity crisis and was actually just a chicken in a onesie.
As he was getting away with stealing the world's largest cookie, the thief tripped and died with crumbs stuck to his face.
As I walked into the library, I whispered "shh" to the books because I was tired of their constant judgment.
The collapse of the time traveler's pants was a historical event that rewrote the fabric of space-time.
As the coupon for the world's biggest latte disappeared, the zombie barista just shrugged and said "well, that's all she wrote".
As I said goodbye to the millennium, I realized I was still trying to figure out how to use the VHS player.
As I opened the coffin, I was surprised to find my wife's tombstone had been replaced with a Netflix password reset request.
And then I realized I was a chicken nugget all along.
As the detective gazed down at the cryptic message scrawled on the wall, he realized the killer was trying to tell him something, but it was written in invisible ink – which, ironically, was the only thing he could actually see.
As I died from eating 17 ghost peppers, I finally understood the true meaning of "hot yoga".
I tripped on my cat and face-planted into a pizza, but on the bright side, my diet was finally over.
"I'll never forget the day my pet elephant, Mr. Ferrell, got kicked out of the library for repeated instances of trunk-ulent behavior."
Because the talking chicken already had a fowl mouth, it was the best witness to the crime-fowlience.
As I lay on my deathbed, I finally understood the meaning of life: to make my funeral as awkward as possible.
The last thing the scarecrow said before